Friday, March 20, 2015

My Hometown - A Blog For Suddenly Fem by CiCi Kytten

My Hometown

I spend too much time on the internet. Maybe you do too. I’ve been criticized by friends and family members for this. And I don’t even argue. I do spend a lot of time online. I do check my phone for text messages way too often.  And I do belong to way too many chat services and social media sites.

Some days it seems like I’m always on. When I’m watching TV. When I’m eating dinner. When I’m doing laundry. When I’m writing my blogs.  I’m always online.  I’m always posting.  Or chatting.  Or shopping. Or checking out other people’s posts. 

But I’m sorry.  To me, the internet is much more than a waste of time. It’s much more than a diversion. It’s much more than a series of wires and microwaves -- or whatever it is that carries messages on the internet these days. (I have no idea. I’m online all the time, I should probably Google it.  And maybe some day I will. But I digress...)

I’m not just an idle online surfer. I’m not cruising porn sites or gambling away a fortune in online poker. I’m a fairly sane and sensible M2F trans person living in 2015 -- and the internet is my hometown.

I mean that.  We’re a rising minority in the world. But unlike other minorities, we don’t have a homeland. We don’t have elders and relatives back in the old country. We don’t come from a common place. And we haven’t set up a community. Ethnic minorities often do when they move to a new country. Gays and lesbians often do the same. 

But I’ve never heard of trans people doing this. I’ve never heard anyone refer to the transgender part of town or the trans side of town. Los Angeles has a Koreatown and a Chinatown and several other -towns. But I don’t know of any Transtown. There’s no CD City.  

I’m not like Andy Griffith or Opie or Aunt Bea. I can’t walk out my front door and stroll around Mayberry.  I can’t stop in and see my friends or check up on my trans community neighbors.

And yet, through the internet, I kinda can.  

I can log on any time of the day or night... and find friendship.  Companionship. I can chat about important things like political issues or this social revolution that we’re all a part of.  Or I can chat about fun things... like shopping.  Style. Nightclubs. Nightlife.  I can search for a new outfit. Or I can search for a new romance.

And -- at least for me -- the benefits of this online trans community have extended far beyond trans culture. I’ve spoken with and befriended people all over the U.S. and all over the world. I’ve received insight into the lives of people in distance lands.  And I’ve received insights into the lives of people who live very close to me -- but who live very differently than me.  I’ve met people who are much richer than me, and much poorer than me. Better read than me, and less educated than me. I’ve met family guys and confirmed bachelors. Church-goers and atheists. Sex addicts and virtual virgins.

And we don’t just talk about trans life. We talk about cool new cars and cool new high tech gadgets. We talk about sports and movies. Our kids and our pets and our families. And sometimes we chatter on and on about nothing.  Like people in small towns once did over backyard fences.

Many of the cd/tv girls that I know are very secretive about their male lives.  I’ve known some people for years without ever learning much -- if anything -- about their lives, their wives, their families or the careers.  And I’m not one to pry.  I know that while our community is becoming much bolder and much more open about our lifestyle, many individuals are still very discreet and secretive about their lives.

And I don’t fault them for it. As I said, I don’t pry.  If someone thinks that their personal life is none of my business -- then it is.

I also try not to judge. Because I don’t want to be judged.  I put myself out there.  I post pix all over the internet.  And you can be sure, I hear about it. Some people don’t like my style. Some don’t like my hair.  Some wish I dressed more feminine. Some wish I dressed more conservatively.  I guess that’s the kind of criticism you have to put up with in a small town.

But I put it up with it all... quite willingly. Because I like my hometown. I like Transtown or CD City... or whatever you want to call this online community that’s become my home. I don’t like everyone in my hometown. But I root for them. I’m a total homer. I want them to succeed. I want them to be happy.  And I want them to continue breaking down barriers. It’s like rooting for your high school basketball team.  You may not know the players personally. And if you do know them, you may not like some of them. But you still root for them. It’s local loyalty. It’s hometown pride.  

And I’m a huge fan of Team T!

So maybe I do spend too much time online. And maybe you do too. But let’s cut ourselves some slack. When you think about it, maybe we have more in common with Andy Griffith than I thought.  No one ever criticized anyone for going for a little after-dinner walk around the neighborhood. That’s considered being, well, neighborly.

And when we’re online, that’s exactly what we’re doing. Taking a little stroll around town.
Seeing what’s going on. Seeing what people are up to.  Smiling and waving and wishing our neighbors well.  

Okay. I know I’m making this all sound way too quaint and perfect and nice. But I get nostalgic when I think about small towns. I grew up in a small town. And its kind of cool to think that, after all these years and after going through so many changes, I’ve found a new smalltown to call home.

Our town.

Take care out there.
Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.



Jessica Lynn Ley said...

CiCi, I like the idea of having a small time feel when I'm online also. I kinda feel the same way you do. Okay, I sometimes don't ask the right questions or get too, umm personal with some of my (small town ) girls, but that's just me. I know we chat sometimes, about style of clothes we wear, (Latex) mostly, and not about cars, where we live, our real name, but that's okay too. I believe we're all a little family here in this (small town), and I like it very much. CiCi, just keep doing what you're doing, you're so inspirational to us girls in so many ways. I know I am!! When I read your blog here, I get all excited about what I'm going to learn from you. Just your words are a great help to me, and I like that. If it wasn't for the internet, I would have never met you or most any other one else I have met in this (small town). Thank you CiCi.

Lydia L said...

I am looking again for an online trans community "small town" since my favorite went "dark" a few months ago. Sigh.
Lydia L

Anonymous said...

Hello, CiCi. Usually when I post a comment to one of your blogs I take a while to consider my thoughts carefully first. But with this one a couple of things made strong first impressions on me. Being from small towns myself, I immediately realized the truth of the things you say here, you are right on point with this and I don't have much to add except to remember that in small towns there are "no secrets". And I suddenly realized that, for me at least, maybe this has something to do with why I am so secretive about my trans life. I suppose there are all kinds of psychological pitfalls to that particular viewpoint, but you are right, the internet is the "small town" where I can be open about myself and I intend to continue to think about that. The other thing is the comment you made about the way you dress. Just by chance, the blue dress you are wearing in the picture you post here, and that you have worn for your last couple of blogs, is very much to my taste, and I print up the pictures I see of you in it and place them in my dressing room as an inspiration. But I also remember that you once described yourself as dressing like a "fetish bimbo slut", and we see photos of you dressed in that style, and all kinds of styles in between. Those photos inspired me to try dressing that way, even though as an older person my body type isn't really suited to it, and I found the physical sensations and the appearance to be stimulating to me, even if it wouldn't be to anyone else. The point is, of course, there is virtue in diversity, and you inspired me to try them all. Getting dressed has become a learning experience for me every single day now, and I thank you for it.

Lori Quaresimo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lori Quaresimo said...

I spend a lot of time online also. I don't like that I do. The problem I have with spending time online is that I am forfeiting time meeting "real" people. I don't have a lot of money. I am on a fixed income so I can't go out to a club all the time. I'm working on that though. I also have sleep apnea and even though I use a CPAP machine, I am still tired all the time. I also have problems with depression. I am lonely, I live by myself, since my spouse passed away in 2012. My kids are grown up and have their own lives. My counbselor keeps pushing me to go out and socialize and I agree. I live in a small town. I live 24/7 as a female but I have no friends. No one wants anything to do with "the freak." So, I need to get out and meet other "freaks" like me. Hopefully then I can make friends.

Danielle Roberts said...

Thank you CC as always your blog is entertaining and informative. I grow up in a small Norcal town, I do miss it at times. But they would never except me, so here I am were I can be myself with my girl friends. And they except me and support me and love me ...Danielle R.

Marly said...

I an=m relatively new to this Still practicing makeup. But I am thrilled to find this blog. I am sure it will be helpful - not just with shopping, but with the emotional side of things:)

Shirley Corning said...

Well put Cici and applauded. Great progress is indeed being made for trans rights and acceptance. Like a snowball down hill it's gaining mass, speed and momentum. I am so happy for the progress being made especially for trans youth. One more suicide is one too many. The Asterisk Trans* Conference ~ UC Riverside ~ February 27-28, 2015, was the best showing of trans youth I've ever seen, about 400. Check out the group shot at
Click on the picture for a enlarged view. I'm just to his left of the guy with his arms up in the back. So I say to all our people, allies and friends whatever you do support the kids. They are the future.
Thanks for listening,
Shirley Corning

Lori Quaresimo said...

I am worried about this legislation going on in the US saying it's ok to discriminate against lesbians and gays. I haven't read anything about transgender people but I assume it's for us as well. How do you all feel about this legislation?

Karl Zirkler said...

My cd urges ebb and flow over time. Many years ago I tried to be open about it and got ridicule and sarcasm. One co-worker actually tugged at back of my shorts and exclaimed, "must be wearing his daughter's panties".

The idea 0f a Transtown is a welcoming thought...isolation is not a good state of being! Perhaps it is time for me to open up again?

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