|Passable? Or just another guy in a dress?|
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Only In Life - A Blog for Suddenly Fem by CiCi Kytten
There has been yet another rash of violent crimes against trans women recently. I know these crimes happen all the time. But sometimes they come in bunches – reminding us of just how much hate and misunderstanding still exists in the world.
It is beyond horrifying how callously and brutally the lives of innocent trans women are taken. As if our lives hold less value in the minds of others.
Often, when another senseless death makes the evening news or a Facebook post, we, as a community, rally. We hold vigils. Or protests. We post kind and loving sentiments online - even though most of us have never met the person in question.
And there’s one more thing we do.
We do not ask stupid questions.
The kinds of questions we tend to ask of each other when we’re all still alive.
Was she trans? Or just a crossdresser?
Was she passable? Or just another guy in a dress?
Was she pretty? Was she ugly? Was she out? Was she closeted?
Was she full-time or part-time? Was she on hormones?
Top surgery? Bottom surgery?
Did she involve herself in trans political issues? Or was she a party girl?
Did she wear too much make up? Or not nearly enough?
Was that her real hair? Were those her real boobs? Was that her real ass?
Suddenly, when someone passes away, all of the shaming and judging that goes on within our community stops. Suddenly none of it seems to matter.
Because it never mattered.
In death, we simply remember… she was one of us.
Our community. Our sisters and brothers. Our family. We may not get along. We may not agree on many things. And we may choose very different ways of expressing our trans nature. But we all still feel the pain. When one of us is lost, we all still feel the heartache. The anger. The sorrow. And yet, it would be sad to think that that sorrow is the only thing that binds us together.
Only in life… do we shame each other.
Only in life… do we insult someone for choosing a path that’s different than our own.
Only in life… do we bully those who don’t fit precisely into our vision of how a life should be lived.
Only in life… do we categorize and criticize and demonize those different from ourselves.
Yet only in life... do we have the opportunity to make someone feel good about themselves.
Only in life... do we have the opportunity to help someone feel confident about their gender expression. To feel positive about their appearance. To feel supported in their glorious, flawed, and undeniably human individuality.
Only in life... can we express true love for one another as we each make our very different journeys through our short but precious days on Earth.
Only in life.
Take care out there.
Be safe. Be smart. Be whoever the fuck you want to be.
Because life is short. And you only get one.
Posted by CiCi Kytten at 12:09 AM