Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Snowflakes and Fingerprints

Here’s something for my friends back east and up north -- enduring all those cold nights, long blizzards, and that fearsome whirlwind known as the polar vortex. Quite honestly, this won’t help at all. I moved away from New England and all that cold long ago. But maybe this will give you something to think about as you look out at all those snowflakes coming down. 

Like most people I was raised to believe that there were two genders.  Male and female. Simple. Two boxes to check off on every school form and every job application I ever filled out. Boys were blue. Girls were pink.  And therefore I was blue. 

Snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. 

But a funny thing happened on the way to adulthood. Or even adolescence. I started to feel like maybe I wasn’t quite the same as the other boys. I felt different. Odd. And quite often, I felt a little bit girlie.

Like many others, I repressed those feelings. Hid them. Denied them. Buried them in the backyard with all of our beloved pets who’d been hit by cars.

Later in life, when I started exploring my feminine side, I started to see variations in the world.  Maybe gender wasn’t binary.  Maybe it wasn’t so black and white. Or pink and blue. I remember seeing continuums online.  Self-tests that one could take in the privacy of one’s home. 

I never took any of those tests, but I saw the results after others took them. The measuring stick was a long bar with male at one end and female at the other end.  People would take the quiz, answer a few multiple choice questions, and the survey would tell them just how male or female they were.  85% male, 15% female.  60% female, 40% male.  And that seemed like a step up from the limited binary M or F gender.

The world -- or at least my little corner of the online world -- seemed to be gradually acknowledging that there was more to gender than we’d been taught when we were young.  And just as importantly, maybe we were starting to accept that straying from that  all-male (or all-female) norm wasn’t all that abnormal after all.  Maybe it wasn’t so bad to be a slightly girlish boy or a slightly mannish woman.

But it still didn’t seem right to me. I’m no genius. But gender still seemed too wrapped up in something based on that original binary. Male or female. Or, now, degrees of male and female.  It worked for some. But not for me. I still couldn’t connect with it.

Then someone pointed me to a scientist/researcher who had a new theory.  At least it was new to us.  I’m sorry but I can’t recall his name. Nor can I find his study on the internet any more. (Maybe one of our readers will know who I’m talking about. And, spoiler alert, I’m sure I’m about to misrepresent his entire theory. So let’s just consider this the bastardized CiCi version.)

He postulated that maybe gender wasn’t a simple binary or even a continuum based on that binary. Maybe, he suggested, it was more like a matrix.

I liked the Matrix movies... all that latex... so this got my attention.

What if gender characteristics didn’t exist on a straight line or continuum, what if they were elements of a grid.  And the left or right sides of the grid meant nothing. Neither side was M or F.  And the upper and lower portions of the grid meant nothing as well. What if different characteristics were scattered over the grid haphazardly. With no order. With no meaning assigned. And your gender was made up of all the elements that applied to you. Not a binary. Not a continuum. But something more complex. A matrix of characteristics and emotions that you felt applied to you.

I pictured it like one of those old scoreboards made up of a grid of tiny lights. The individual lights would flash on and off to form giant shapes and characters and words. Sorry about the obscure sports example, but that’s really what I pictured in my head.  A light-up scoreboard.  For each of us, a few male lights would light up and a few female lights would light up.  We were each a little of both.  We weren’t a certain percentage.  We were a random collection of characteristics.  If the rest of society wanted to label that collection as “male” or as “female,” well, that’s what societies tend to do.  To label. Classify. Confine. Conform.

But just because society labels us a certain way doesn’t mean that we have to. We can, if we so choose, simply accept our own unique grid of human features as a window into our own gender and personality and self. Heck, if you’re like me, your grid changes daily. Maybe even moment to moment.

I can actually take this whole matrix idea one step further.  Because the matrix idea still assigns a male or female component to each individual characteristic. But as most of us have now learned, those assignments are faulty... and outdated. It may have been true at one time that someone who was strong and physical and liked to wrestle alligators was considered manly. While someone who was sweet and soft and liked to play with dolls was feminine.  But neither of those definitions is even remotely true... and a simple glance around the real world of today will tell you that.

I suspect that a simple glance around the real world of years passed would have told you the same thing, but societal norms and conventions are very strong. And societies and cultures all over the globe have by and large sought to keep male and female roles quite separate and distinct. 

But remove those roles, those conventions, those norms... and what do you have? 

For me... it’s snowflakes.

You know, those pretty icy crystals falling from the sky.  Those amazing little crystalline shapes that elementary school teachers have told us about for years... each one is different. No two are ever the same.

Like fingerprints. Maybe our gender is like our fingerprints.  Unique unto ourselves.  Men have infinite ways to show their manhood. Woman have infinite ways to show their femininity.  Why shouldn’t transpeople have the same options? To dress and act and feel and behave in a way that isn’t distinctly male or distinctly female or even distinctly trans... but instead, distinctly you.

Others may not agree.  Family members. Friends. Wives. Parents. Children. Faceless anonymous critics on the internet. Even other members of the trans community. They may not see the same kaleidoscope of gender that I see. Spinning. Shifting. Changing. Blurring. Connecting. Separating. The tapestry of color. The flash and the brilliance.

But I think our gender is no different than our personality, our physicality, or our identity. It is unique to us. And no two of us are alike.  Like all of those snowflakes falling back east. A powerful polar vortex of individuality. An unceasing flurry to cover the earth and change the world. 

And if you lay back, relax, and close your eyes, you can make an angel in the snow.  

Stay smart. Stay safe. Stay sexy.


Jessica Lynn Ley said...

CiCi, you're amazing at explaining the way's of life for us tgirls. Yes, I loved ('The Matrix') also & all that latex....all the uniqueness. I'm just a simple snowflake & that's all, Thank You, CiCi...xoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Carla Bridger said...

Makes perfect sense to me we are all unique


Anonymous said...

You make more sense then all the books I've read and all the counselers I've been treated by. Thank you for a ray of logical information.

Anonymous said...

Hello CICi
I have a femine side and enjoyed this for some time!!1 Sadly I can not come out,but I love women clothes and oh How Owould loved to be her. Today I met a new customer WOW she was so sexy!Baby doctor, getting a divorce who likes what her or him.
I could see her panty line even aprint to show how she looks down
there. Oh I wish I could have her sex. Silky clothes nice bras and breast at least 36 C. I ware all silky pantys string bik swimwear
babydolls to bed and calvin klein bik pantys nylon, so sweet in bed.
Oh how i wish I could look as good as you. Where did you decide to make that change. Have you ever kissed another man? There a lady who change her sex and work for BELK's store in ladys lingerie.I've alway looked at her and wonder how do you do this without being embarrsed?

Anonymous said...

Fabulous insight, Cici, and so beautifully written. Kudos!

Nina said...

Hello CiCi..I have just begun my transformation. I am taking the Breast Cream and the Breast booster pills. I am on my second round. I am a small B-cup size. I am a big boned male due to my family genes. How long will the breast boosting take to reach breast side where I can see them?

CiCi Kitten said...

@Nina ... Give it about 3 - 4 months to see if your body chemistry is receptive to the particular formulations

Anonymous said...

Hello CiCi: My wife and i take this adventure together now for many years but your fresh down to earth approach to issues that do and will eevolve is just a good thing.

Thank you for being you and helping me be me with out the baggage..Luv.

Peta said...

CICI yes I have heard this before, I know I live in Australia and where I live life here is very black and white. To find and meet you and marry you would be wonderful, thanks,
Lots of love, Peta

Anonymous said...

Hi CiCi,

I enjoy your blog posts, you always have a positive outlook. And, I wish I was as beautiful as you:)


Shirley Corning said...

Great analogy. It does seem like our Creator ignores societal norms and goes on creating one absolutely unique individual after another. He/She apparently Loves His/Her work and your uniqueness is a gift to you and the world. I can only guess why I've been so blessed after such a long, winding and painful road but in the 2 years I've been living as Shirley I've been plugged into an unlimited source of spiritual power. As a result my spirit burns as bright as a blue white star. I'm unsinkable, unstoppable and relentless. It's like being Xena the Warrior Princess. Gee, I might even make a difference for the better before I'm done.
Shirley Corning

Anonymous said...

Cici I respect, understand and admire you as a clear voice of the new transgender world that I believe will grow in the years to come even easier thanks to people like you and Sundely Fem that had serve as tools of persistance and dream makers, drawing diferents roads to take without forgetting have fun and feeling sexy!
Thanks and Thousand kissex for you!

Anonymous said...

Cici, you so rock! So nothing wrong for us exploring our feminine sides. Besides, so unfair the girls get to wear all the fab, sexy wear. They were stuck in awful whitey titey cotton men's underwear! xoxxo!

amy ryan said...

You should comment on the competition comparison of the blog. You can highlight it's mind boggling. Your blog exploration/tour will broaden your conversions.
crupetech |

loren Jett said...

It is really a nice and useful piece of information. I am glad that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
http://www.theelectrichearts.com |

Emma Hardy said...

I've been trying to find out a little more about this kind of stuff, thanks for sharing
http://www.agencyeden.com |

Anonymous said...

Thank you so so so much CiCi. I have been confused about my identity for as long as I can remember. I looked at it as "blue and pink." And I've been cross dressing only for a few years in my young life. Never told a soul until I got the courage to tell the only person I thought would understand. The only person I have ever loved. She took it well, but hasn't spoken to me for a few weeks now. I've never been so ashamed and depressed. and that's saying something. But I just discovered you, and I just had to say thank you so so SO SO much. It'll be a long journey but at least there will be a journey... Knowing that theres a community out there that will not judge me has changed everything. And reading your insight has made me feel accepted that who I am is just simply who I am, and there's nothing wrong with that. Thank you!!

Anonymous said...

You need to take part in a contest for one of the finest websites online. I'm going to recommend this web site!
Pro-Gas Automotive |

amy ryan said...

Hello,I love reading through your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wishing you the best of luck for all your blogging efforts. 
http://www.foodmanllc.com |

Emma Hardy said...

Izrada web stranica koje ce Vam dovesti nove klijente. Prepustite brigu o Vašoj web stranici profesionalcima
www.nywedding4u.com |

Emma Hardy said...

Izrada web stranica koje ce Vam dovesti nove klijente. Prepustite brigu o Vašoj web stranici profesionalcima
www.nywedding4u.com |

code xbox live gratuit said...

Now you can enjoy your live game absolutely free by getting free codes of xbox live game here o this site.

Charu Jain said...

Lol. Nice post. Your article is really interesting. Keep blogging. For interesting free itunes codes click here.

nimi parker said...

Thanks for any other informative site. The place else could I get that kind of info written in such a perfect manner? I have a mission that I am simply now running on, and I've been at the look out for such info.
freehomedeposit |

freestonehomes |

homerunlotto |

atautomotivellc |

autoclima-u-go |

auto-dalmacija |

autoingrosstore |

automazione-net |

autonomyla |

autoreisenzug |

Jonny Thomas said...

Hello my family member! I wish to say that this article is amazing, great written and include approximately all vital infos. I¡¦d like to see extra posts like this .
5280foodtruck |

asianbbqtruck |

autodetailersplus |

kinggyrostruck |

autotronicseldh |

kieslerautosucks |

truckfirelawyer |

graduacaonoexterior |

howtogreenyourhouse |

timehousebrands |

Ashton Belton said...

Must say that overall I am really impressed with this blog. It is easy to see that you are passionate about your writing. If only I had your writing ability I look forward to more updates and will be returning.
ne-urgentcare |

hflivehealthy |

medicareccr |

vhghealthcenters |

healthconceptswi |

10-week-fitness |

voltaclubfitness |

buyhealthmaster |

veramarhealth |

icanfitnesscenter |

Bram Well said...

Very interesting article. I would love to read the book “Start with Why”, by Simon Sinek. I think he has taken a great topic to deal with. Teaching leaders to inspire others is a good idea to bring up a civilized society. Thanks for sharing. Keep posting.
blog-autoedition |

sportautocentre |

autoxtras |

autobarge |

pageoneauto |

laautodeals4less |

circuitauto |

autobrill |

helpleehomeless |

eyeonthestatehouse |

Anonymous said...

I really loved reading your blog. It was very well authored and easy to understand.Ace Business |

Anonymous said...

I am really enjoying reading your well written articles. It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.Automotive Manuals |

Anonymous said...

Τhere is definately a great deal to learn ɑbout this issue. Ι love all of the points you've madе.Home in Singapore |

Anonymous said...

I bumped into your post. I don't usually post in blogs but your blog forced me to. Awesome work! Thank you for sharing!Zen Technology Group |

Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.Community Health |

Anonymous said...

Always thinking to do the same thing again and again , i am very thankful that i found this one..Note Taking Software |

Anonymous said...

I am really enjoying reading your well written articles. It looks like you spend a lot of effort and time on your blog. I have bookmarked it and I am looking forward to reading new articles.Experiment House |

Anonymous said...

Τhere is definately a great deal to learn ɑbout this issue. Ι love all of the points you've madе.New Business |

Anonymous said...

Interesting and amazing how your post is! It Is Useful and helpful for me That I like it very much, and I am looking forward to Hearing from your next..mindsehealth |

Anonymous said...

I bumped into your post. I don't usually post in blogs but your blog forced me to. Awesome work! Thank you for sharing!Misr Travel |

Anonymous said...

I am very happy to discover your post as it will become on top in my collection of favorite blogs to visit.My Charitbale Wedding |

Abby cristal said...

I have not much time to visit many websites. But today I found this site accidently. I explored much information which is useful to my life. Thanks!computerrepaireagle |

Anonymous said...

This is very interesting news website running 24 hours a day to keep their viewer updated all the time. r4shopping |

y3 games said...

A laugh, to be joyous, must flow from a joyous heart, for without kindness, there can be no true joy.
Friv, Y8 Games, Y3 Games, Frozen Games, abcya

plants vs zombie said...

The game controls are shown just under . Movement mechanisms primarily include acceleration and tilting controls.
five nights at freddy's 2 | five nights at freddy's 4 |
fireboy and watergirl 2 | 2048 game | red ball 5 | age of war

xumeiqing said...

coach outlet
polo ralph lauren outlet online
ugg boots
pandora jewelry outlet
cheap nike air max
true religion
nike cortez
levis jeans
coach factory outlet

website hosting said...

This is such a great web site and resource for all the things in life that are fun.website hosting

Robert F. Crocker said...

It is Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. anytime locksmith las vegas

Robert F. Crocker said...

i see you got really very useful topics , i will be always checking your blog thanks. german shepherd training commands

Robert F. Crocker said...

Wow! its great article I have seen thank you so much for sharing such great information with us. I would like visit you again for next article and gonna Subscribe you. mens long hairstyles 2016

Robert F. Crocker said...

It was a very good post indeed. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it in my lunch time. Will surely come and visit this blog more often. Thanks for sharing. prosthetic eye surgery

Robert F. Crocker said...

Simple yet very useful and effective blog... Glad I have visited here. Please dont stop blogging. home generators cost

Robert F. Crocker said...

This article is amazing. Good stuff and informative. Have a great one venue finders companies

Robert F. Crocker said...

Thanks for sharing this interesting blog with us.My pleasure to being here on your blog..I wanna come back here for new post from your site. how is genetic testing done

Robert F. Crocker said...

Wonderful article. thanks for putting this together! This is obviously one great post. Thanks for the valuable information and insights you have so provided here. bus simulator free download full version

Robert F. Crocker said...

A debt of gratitude is in order for another superb post. Where else might anybody be able to get that sort of information in such a perfect method for composing? buy 20 instagram likes

Robert F. Crocker said...

Most of the time I don’t make comments on websites. but I'd like to say that this article really forced me to do so. Really nice post! automotive technician definition

Robert F. Crocker said...

I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business. dyson v8 absolute cordless

Robert F. Crocker said...

That you would be able to retailer thousands through reconditioning ancient batteries. instagram for business 2016

Robert F. Crocker said...

It was very useful for me. I'm happy I found this blog. Thank you for sharing with us,I too always learn something new from your post.Visit our website at buy vine loops

Robert F. Crocker said...

I could notice that you will be a professional your industry ! I will be introducing a web site shortly, along with your details will probably be invaluable for me personally car key copy las vegas

Robert F. Crocker said...

Thanks for the information is very helpful to be read and known by all readers locksmith north las vegas

Alex John said...

texas-instruments-inc case study analysis
This is really a great stuff for sharing. Keep it up .Thanks for sharing.

Eliza Seo said...

This blog is so nice to me. I will keep on coming here again and again. Visit my link as well.. youtube downloader

Love Kpop said...

I like to get up early to go out and breathe fresh air. I feel that it is good for health and a good habit

Paket Outbound said...

Hai writer...i like the style of writing that your doing in this article paket outbound puncak | paket outbound jakarta | paket outbound sukabumi | paket rafting citarik | paket rafting citatih | tips cara rafting yang aman | lokasi outbound yang favorit

Pulau seribu said...

its nice to read paket wisata pulau seribu | pulau seribu resort | sejarah pulau seribu | lokasi pulau seribu | pulau seribu paling bagus | pulau seribu via ancol

Sewa Kapal said...

its nice to read sewa kapal boat | sewa kapal speedboat | charter boat | charter kapal boat | sewa kapal pesiar | sewa kapal mancing | sewa kapal mancing murah | sewa kapal marina ancol | sewa kapal speedboat untuk mancing | sewa kapal ke pulau seribu

Pulau Tidung said...

Thanks for your shared paket pulau tidung | paket wisata pulau tidung | paket pulau tidung murah | paket wisata pulau tidung murah | paket wisata pulau tidung 2 hari 1 malam | paket wisata pulau tidung dari marina ancol | travel pulau tidung | harga paket pulau tidung | lokasi pulau tidung

Obat varises usus said...

may be useful for all, helpful article once and pardon me permission to share also here :

Cara menyembuhkan penyakit vitiligo
Cara menyembuhkan luka bakar
Cara mengatasi sakit pinggang

juru kunci said...

a pride for me to be able to discuss on a quality website because I just learned to make an article on
cara menggugurkan kandungan

Cara menyembuhkan jantung lemah said...

given article is very helpful and very useful for my admin, and pardon me permission to share articles here hopefully helped :

Obat pengapuran tulang
Obat batuk kering
Obat sinusitis alami