Don’t Chase Trends.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Some Tips for New Girls (of all ages!) -- a blog for SuddenlyFem by CiCi Kitten
I’ve been looking back over some of my older blogs lately. You may not realize this, but I’ve been writing this blog since 2007. Looking back at blogs is a little like looking back at old photos. Or reading old diaries. I read a little bit of each one… and I’m immediately transported back to the mindset I was in at the time that I was writing it. Obviously, a lot in my life has changed since 2007. I wasn’t necessarily a newbie back then. But I was fairly new to the scene. Fairly new to going out. And I still had a lot to learn about this life. (Six years later, I still need to learn a lot more!)
Today, if I get a question from someone online, when appropriate, I direct them to one of my blogs. But I realize it’s been a while since I’ve written anything significant about life as a new crossdresser. After all, I haven’t been a newbie for quite some time. But out in the world, the newbies keep coming. I don’t think anyone’s keeping count or documenting statistics, but I think this community is growing. Thanks to changing views in society and thanks to the wonderful – and wonderfully supportive – online tgirl world, more and more crossdressers are entering the scene every year.
And “new” doesn’t necessarily mean “young.” Sure, some of the girls that I’ve met recently are indeed 22 year-old sweet young things. But other newbies are as likely to be 32. Or 42. Or 62! People come into this life at all different times in their lives. For all different reasons. And yet, the fears and frustrations, anxieties and concerns, are often quite similar.
I see their photos online and I’m immediately transported back to my early days. The faceless, headless photos. The mismatched styles. The wigs that don’t quite fit right… or that have strands of hair covering their faces. The dirty glass in the reflecting mirror shots. I know these shots well. I’ve taken these shots!
Here's one of my older pix...
BTW… there are some beginners out there who just take to this like a duck to water. You see their first pix – either at home or out at a night club – and they look like they’ve been doing it all their lives. They’re naturals. But I doubt those girls are reading this blog. They’re too busy setting the world on fire.
For the rest of us mere mortals, the first stages of tgirl life can be very scary. Frustrating. Confusing. And, above all else, extremely exciting. Chances are you’ve been thinking about this moment for most of your life. And now, maybe, just maybe – it’s about to happen. You’re about to introduce the world to your femme side. You’re trying to summon your courage. You’re trying to quiet your fears. You’re trying to pick out the perfect purse to match with your perfect shoes.
And I’d like to help. So here are a few tips… some thoughts and answers in response to some questions that I’ve recently received.
Be patient with yourself.
Don’t be fooled by a false sense of urgency. That will only lead you to make bad decisions. Life is long. And you have a lot to sort out. Some of us experienced girls may have forgotten all of the many things racing through a new girl’s mind. But I do remember this. It was all very scary and confusing. And it always seemed like there was a lot at risk. I was terrified. You might be too. So take your time. Plan your next move thoughtfully. And consider all of the risks and benefits. That might seem like conservative approach for a confirmed party girl like me. But believe me, that’s the way I entered this world. Slowly. Cautiously. Fearfully! But I just kept moving slowly forward. And now… over ten years later… There’s no going back.
Be patient with your friends.
Give your friends and family time to adjust. I’ve heard from many girls who get frustrated that their wife or girlfriend or parents don’t immediately accept them. And, obviously, that would be the perfect situation. Immediate acceptance. But it rarely happens. Even if the initial reactions you receive are positive, you may still have a long way to go before you receive what you consider to be total acceptance. What I always try to remind everyone is that most of us took a long time to accept ourselves as tgirls! Some of us took twenty, thirty or forty years to accept our femme sides. Yet we somehow expect our friends to accept us in a matter of days or weeks? That’s not really realistic. And it’s not really fair. Give your significant others a significant time to adjust to the new you. It’ll be worth it. There are no sure things in life. Particularly in this life. But you never know, over time, maybe they’ll come to see that you’re the same you you always were. Maybe just a little bit more fab!
Work on it.
In the drag world, there’s a popular phrase, “Work it, girl!” In cd/tv life, it’s a little bit different. We’re not performers. We’re not on a stage. Even if you’re never planning on transitioning into a full-time girl, you’re probably hoping to blend into the real world. And that’s not easy. (Drag isn’t easy either. But that’s a whole different scene.) Most of us didn’t grow up with role models or mentors in the field of femininity. Our moms or big sisters didn’t sit us down and teach us how to do makeup. Or how to match outfits. Or how to affect a certain style. Most of us enter this world as blank slates. Everything seems possible. But once we get started, everything seems impossible! Right down to the smallest detail. (I still can’t get my fake eyelashes on straight!)
Like any craft or art form, feminizing takes hard work. Commitment. Dedication. You have to research fashion and style. You have to research makeup products and techniques. You have to check out other girls – gg and tg – to see what you like out there. As well as what you don’t like. And then you have to practice. You have to experiment with different approaches. It’s so much fun to play with style that you might not even realize it’s work. But it is. And the more “work” you put in, the better your results will be.
Don’t Chase Trends.
In my adult life, I’ve worked at both high schools and universities. So I’ve had the chance to observe young woman. And no, not in a naughty way. But I’d be lying if I didn’t watch them to see how they’re doing their makeup or rocking a particular style. Of course, young girls tend to be trendy, so that helps an old fart like me keep up with the latest fashions. And it’s taught me one important lesson. Every trend doesn’t work for every girl! And that only gets more important in tgirl world. Every trend that works for a gg, doesn’t necessarily work for a tg!
Fashionistas are famous for designing clothes for 99 pound 16 year olds. Not the best body model for a 45 year old guy twice that size! So trying to squeeze into that hot little number you saw at Forever 21 might be a bit frustrating. Difficult. Impossible! (As a plug for my sister website, SuddenlyFem, you might want to try some feminine fashions designed for men. You may find their styles and lines a little more flattering.)
Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t take chances. You’re a tgirl. Danger is your middle name. You laugh in the face of convention. Your whole life is a risk! So, by definition, you’re probably going to take some fashion risks. But try to be realistic. Take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror. Look at the girl you currently are… not the girl you hope to be.
The Girl You Hope to Be.
This quote has been attributed to many, but most sources attribute it to psychiatrist Thomas Szasz ( a man I know nothing about). But I do like his quote: "The self is not something we find; the self is something we create."
The internet has had an extraordinary impact on the transgender community. From the most timid pantyboy to the 24/7 girls undergoing SRS. On the internet, we’ve found friendship, support, and lots of information. In fact, sometimes, it can almost feel like you’re getting too much information. You hit the chats, and your head is filled with advice and counsel from well-meaning friends and peers. And I know that for me, there were times that that advice got confusing. Some girls said take it slow. Some girls said get out there now! Some girls advised me to tone down my style before I went out. Some said I should turn up the volume. Some girls were rather shy about sex and dating. Some girls fucked like bunnies. (And advised me to do the same.) Some said to take my friends’ and family’s concerns into consideration. Some said, “Fuck ‘em all, do what you like. It’s your life!”
So what’s a girl to do with all those voices shouting in her head? You have to chill. You have to breathe. And, I know it sounds trite, but you have to listen to your heart. And your head. If you’re reading this blog, you’re looking for information. To me, that means you’re intelligent. Thoughtful. And you’re going about all of this craziness in a very sane and rational way.
So don’t let the craziness overwhelm you. You’ll get a lot of advice (including this blog!). And you’ll have a lot of desire inside you urging you one way or the other. But you’ll also have plenty of fears about the risks involved… family, marriage, employment? You have a lot to lose. And no one – no one! -- online is in your precise situation. No one knows your family or your supervisor at work. No one knows how you grew up or where you come from spiritually or emotionally. No two girls are in the same situation. No two girls have the same objectives. And no two girls will attack their femininity in the same way. So quiet all those voices in your head (and on the net). And do you’ve always wanted to do...
(Maybe just a little bit more fab!)
Take care out there!
Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.
Posted by CiCi Kytten at 2:00 AM