Friday, March 1, 2013

Fantasies, Mentors, and Very Wise Witches - A blog by CiCiKitten for SuddenlyFem

America loves fantasies.  Harry Potter. Star Wars. Lord of the Rings.  The most popular fantasies involve someone relatively powerless –a lonely outsider -- discovering an inner power or a special strength in order to overcome adversity.  Harry Potter. Star Wars. Lord of the Rings.

But one of the key elements is each of these stories is the mentor figure.  Dumbledore. Obi Wan.  Gandalf.   Older, wiser, more experienced life coaches who help young heroes and heroines to eventually figure things out for themselves.

Tgirls have fantasies too.  Lots of them.  But, for the moment, we’ll set aside the common erotic fantasies that occupy our minds – you know, the transformation fantasies where we wake up one morning and some magical spell has turned us into women or princesses or sex slaves.  Depending on your own particular desires, of course.

The most common tgirl fantasy is much simpler. And not nearly as erotic.  It involves simple acceptance and a chance to grow in one’s femininity.  Every crossdresser wants to improve.  But not every CD knows how to go about “improving.”  Just as most aspiring heroes have no idea how to go about completing their quests.

CD’s want to walk better, talk better, look better, dress better, live better, and, in general, take whatever step is the next step in their own individual progression.  No easy task.  Especially when you look around and see absolutely no real role models in your family, at your school or work place, or even in the ever-expanding galaxy that is pop culture.

Is it any wonder we feel like powerless, lonely outsiders? 

So you start looking for a mentor.  Someone who is more experienced, more confident, and wiser to the ways of t-world. There’s only one problem, most of the more experienced girls you meet – or come across while browsing online – are so caught up in their own next step of progression, they can’t be bothered to help a newbie like you.  They were at your particular level months ago or years ago.  They’ve moved on… and for them, there’s no going back.

So where’s Obi Wan when you need him?

In legends and myths, mentors tend to appear rather randomly or by accident.  The hero/heroine is strumbling through the early stages of their quest – struggling mightily, failing miserably, stubbornly refusing to ask for help – and just when they’re about to give up and go home, a mentor seems to magically appear.

If only that could happen in real life.  And yet, improbably, that’s the way it happened for me.  My mentors just appeared.  And primarily through magic.  Well… the magic of the internet.  But hey, to early generations the opportunity to meet and converse with total strangers thousand of miles away would have seemed like magic.   

When I was just starting out, I spent a lot of time on line… browsing other girls’ profiles, checking out their photos, and sitting quietly in tgirl chatrooms watching the more experienced girls converse and joke and share their stories.  I had no stories to tell so I felt I had nothing to contribute to the conversation.  Not to mention I was way too shy to try to match wits with the clever, sarcastic chicks who dominated the chats.

I never asked anyone specifically to be my mentor.  I just started studying girls I admired.  Girls whose style appealed to me.  Girls who exuded confidence.  Girls who did have interesting stories to tell.  Those were the girls I wanted to be like, so those were the girls that I started to emulate.  But I didn’t speak to them, I basically admired them from afar.

So I guess, in a way, they weren’t really mentors, they were more like role models.

But that doesn’t lessen the impact they had on me.  Fetish/fantasy girls like Nicci Tristan, Tara Emory, and Mistress Divinyl – girls who already had their own websites!  Local girls like Little Miss Monica, Tricia Love, and Nicole Lashes who were out and about in Southern California.  The original WildSide girls, Nikki, Gina and Shannon who posted pix of themselves running around Vegas in micro mini skirts!  Not to mention all the drag queens who posted make-up tips on YouTube and other sites. 

Now, since those early days, I’ve had a chance to meet many of the girls I’ve listed above, and in some cases we’ve actually become friends. But in the beginning I never dreamed I’d ever meet any of them.  That seemed about as likely to me as meeting Elvis or the Beatles.  The girls I saw on line (even the local girls) seemed to inhabit a completely different universe than the one I was in.  And with all the dangers and risks involved in space travel, I never thought I’d ever even enter the same orbit.

This has all come back to me now that, as a more experienced girl these days, newbie cd’s are starting to come to me for advice!  Me?  OMG… I can barely run my crazy life… how can I help anyone else?

But when I step back.  I can see it.  I can see how far I’ve come.  I can see how my style has evolved. I can see how my confidence has grown.  Since I still struggle to perfect my style and build my confidence, these attributes aren’t always apparent to me.  But I can see how they might be to others.  Particularly beginners.

The problem is that I don’t really know most of the girls who approach me online.  I don’t know the challenges they face. I don’t know their family situation or their work situation.  I don’t know their goals, and to be honest, quite often, neither do they.

All I can really do is tell you how I’ve done it.  And that is, no matter how difficult, to somehow be true to myself.  Believe me, I know how hard this is.  I fail at it all the time in my guy life.  But CiCi is different. For some reason CiCi is in closer touch with her emotions, desires and goals.  And she’s much more brazen about going after what she wants. 

So how did I do it?  The same way every mythic hero/heroine does it.  I did it Frank Sinatra’s way.  I did it my way.  And that’s the way you’ll have to do it too.  You see, as much as we think we need mentors and role models – and omg, do we ever need them. I would never be where I am today without them.  But, still, they can only help us so much.  Just like Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker, at a certain point, we have to go it alone.  Mentors inspire.  Role models make the nearly impossible seem possible.  And, to a newbie, that can mean everything in the world.

But after that, we have to start cultivating our own style, building our own confidence, and living the stories of our own lives.  I’ve taken the advice of many of the girls I’ve met on line or in person.  But I’ve probably rejected their advice just as often.  Not because I’m so confident or cocky or egotistical.  Quite the contrary.  I’m usually relatively indecisive.  In most cases, when I rejected the advice of others, it was simply because it just didn’t feel right for me.  It didn’t feel right for CiCi.  A certain dress.  A certain wig.  A certain party or night out with the girls.  I turned them down because something inside me told me to turn them down.  I’m sure I’ve made dozens of mistakes this way.  But at least they were my mistakes.  Because in the end, my decisions aren’t just choices, they are, in a sense, me.

And that’s what this journey is really all about.  Like any mythic journey.  It’s a journey to you.  Hopefully, to a better you.  A more fulfilled and satisfied you.  But, despite what you might think, you’ll never get there by emulating others. Or by following in others’ footsteps.  You can start that way. It’s actually a great way to start.  But sooner or later you’ve got to find your own path. 

There’s a scene at the end of The Wizard of Oz that I used to really dislike.  At the end, Glenda the Good Witch (Dorothy’s mentor) tells Dorothy that, thanks to those legendary ruby red slippers, Dorothy has had the power to go home all along.  Dorothy – a bit thrown by this new information (and wouldn’t you be!?) – wants to know why Glenda never told her that in the first place.  But Glenda, wise witch and mentor that she is, says, “You had to find that out for yourself.” 

And she was right.  Dorothy did.  Luke did.  Harry did.  And so do you.  You have to find your way on your own.  Heck, before you can even do that, you have to define your goal and your journey on your own.  I’ve been very fortunate to have met some very wise witches on my own personal trek down my own personal yellow brick road.  But the truth is, no one – not even your best of friends -- will ever care as much or as deeply as you about your life or your journey -- or ever understand the true motivations behind your quest.  And none of them are going in exactly the same direction as you are.

The Beatles called it “the long and winding road.”  Robert Frost called it “the road less traveled.”  And whether you’re in high heels or flats, it still leads to your door.  And it can still make all the difference.

Happy trails, witches! 

Take care out there.

Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.











Lorraine said...

This is fabulous! This is how I see things today after 59 years of age.

I'll be long gone and six feet down but some day gender in clothing will be a thing of the past, history only found in the history books and old movies. The future where people wear what they love and like and just enjoying what ever they wish to wear that day or evening, a future where men can dress as woman or young lady's with the full support of their wives and girlfriends. The women already have this freedom today to wear what they wish and can be as Masculine in dress as they wish, they are called Tomboys so why can men be Jane-girls? lets fight to remove gender stereotyping and free men so they can show their femininity because femininity / Masculinity belong to both genders. Stereotyping is raciest and sexist and used by people who have closed minds and are full of hate. It's also used to control people by the STATE and Church to Divide and Conquer a people so they can be controlled and manipulated by and used for the benefits of small groups of the STATE / Governments and Churches. END the hate and END stereotyping and allow your selves the freedom to be happy because life is short.

danni hill said...

Excellent post and my journey has been one of self discovery, having only been dressing for under 3 years i have had some help along the way but the biggest influence has been kind and wonderful GG's who accepted me and just looking at women and how they moved and dress was and is a hugh influence.

thanks ,


Anonymous said...

Amen, Sister!

Willow Terrill said...

It's funny how you mention movie mentors in your blog. I have been helping a local Tgirl come into her own for about two years now. I always say "good work my young pattawon", when she make a positive step forward in her progress of finding her true self. I urge all of you girls to lend your wisdom to those of us who are just starting their journey of self discovery. The journey is difficult enough with some one to help you past the rough spots, just think what it's like to be on your own. It's not a pretty thought.

Sandra M. Lopes said...

I truly agree with you, CiCi! All the fun of discovery of your own femme self is in the process... you can get tips and ideas and all kinds of encouragements from others, as well as looking up to many others as role models, but, ultimately, it will be up to you.

And what great fun it is!...

Muriele Vixen said...

I have a simple fantasy: That I will become a pretty - or at least easily passable - TG. I am undergoing the 1st steps in feminization, but have some formidable obstacles. I have bad teeth; that can be fixed though, and an index finger that is misshapen due to an on the job accident years ago.It sometimes devastates me that I may never be able to be a passable TG. We all make choices, some good, some bad. One of my bad choices was to not listen to my heart at a much earlier age (I am 63) and be the woman I yearn to be then. We must be proactive in our life journey to fulfill the destiny we want and deserve.

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