Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New Year's Resolutions: A Blog for SuddenlyFem by Cupcake

With a new year come the inevitable New Year’s resolutions, from trips to the gym and new diets to promises to read more, travel more or be more adventurous.  My own resolution this year was relatively minimalist. I’ve promised that I will be mindful about what I choose to do with my time and energy, making time for more of what matters and less of what doesn’t.  I’m going to say no less and yes more and make an effort to embrace life. With that, I suppose I’m going to challenge the rest of you to do the same, in ways that are personally relevant to you.

What that means for you may vary and, depending on where you are and how comfortable you are with your own femininity,
may have nothing at all to do with how often you dress up, whether you go out in your skirt and heels, or who knows about your personal journey. If that’s the case, perhaps it’s simply that you want to take more opportunities personally or professionally, learn new skills or tackle developing better habits with your time and energy. Your own resolution and how it plays out in your life may look more like mine, although I do plan to allow myself a bit more pampering time this year, even if I have to have my spa nights at home.

I suspect, however, that most of the readers of this blog can take this notion in a different direction in their own lives.  Are you expending time and energy hiding from your partner or close friends?  Maybe it’s time to stop and consider coming out, at least to those most near and dear. While coming out may be a terrifying prospect, the lies that come with secrets are often much more draining. If need be, consider scheduling visits with a therapist to help you prepare for this process or joining a local or even online support group. Having a few friendly faces in your life may help to ease this transition. Depending upon how far in the closet you are, breaking down coming out into smaller actions may help you to take that step and stop spending your time in hiding.

Perhaps you’re not hiding, but aren’t making the time you need to dress up and feel like yourself. If so, 2013 could be the year that you prioritize those needs. Make time to dress up, do your nails, and pamper yourself or consider adjusting your budget to allow for the purchase of new clothing, shoes or other much-needed wants. I’m going to offer my own suggestion that every girl’s wardrobe starts with good underwear. If yours are worn and ragged, or for heaven’s sakes, don’t exist, splurge on at least one good bra and a pair of panties designed just for your figure!  Taking care of your health may fit in here as well, if you’re not making time for fitness and a healthy diet. Sometimes, letting these things go is a result of not being willing to care for ourselves. This might also be the year when you take the step from dressing at home to dressing and getting out of the house, even if only to a crossdresser-friendly gay bar or other establishment.

I imagine that at least a few of the readers of this blog are considering taking much more significant steps in their lives, whether they’re planning to begin to live as a woman full-time or are taking medical steps to transition. These resolutions are, undoubtedly, life-changing, but do offer the opportunity to, for the first time, live authentically.  If you’re taking these steps, I hope that you’re doing so with the assistance and support of a skilled therapist in gender issues, as well as a supportive community of friends.  I’m going to be a bit maternal here and issue a few reminders. Make sure that your doctor is familiar with hormone therapy and that you have familiarized yourself with the risks and benefits. If you’re considering surgery, check out your surgeon’s finished results for similar operations. 

Of course we all know, even as I sit here making my own resolutions, that New Year’s resolutions are often broken.  It takes time to make changes, especially when the changes are particularly frightening and could have such challenging implications. Depending upon your resolutions, consider making one small change every three weeks and living with it, daily for those three weeks, before adding another change to build upon good habits. Remember to be gentle with yourself when you slip, fall or fail. Even that, the simple act of allowing yourself to forgive, can help you to move forward and succeed.


Forrest Branton said...

Cupcake, you are so envisioned. You explain things really well. I could read your stories all day long, I'm a CD at this time in my life. I have a guy that wants to move into with him, when he gets back from London, England. I live in Austin, Tx now. We met on-line in a chat room. We have been talking with each other for about 4 months now. When he gets back to the States, he wants to take me shopping & buy me some very nice clothes,shoes, boots, lingerie, nice sexy panties, get a face life, and have breast implants put in also. I love what you said, about laying by the pool & getting a sun tan, while wearing a bikini, as to get pantie lines & bra lines. This has been my dream all my life, now it might come true, I will be buying clothes and acessories from *SuddenlyFem* very soon I hope.
Thank You, so much for all the advice you have.

Deedra523@ said...

Cupcake, I just love your writing and inspired me to take the next steps. I came to the realizations that this will only occur when I true to myself and come out as myself if it’s a girl or a boy or some where in between that fine with me. I have made the steps over the years out of the closet! From taking hours to get dress to just to drive around the block! LOL. To going to a t-girl club and party the night away! Very liberating and would recommend it for everyone! I hope that this year I find my inner peace and my yin and yang will be come best friends!

Now all I have to do is get the courage to stop hiding and confide with some one that’s not in my inner girl circle to truly come out of the closet!


Anonymous said...

Dear Cupcake,Merry Christmas,Happy New Year,I love all of your articles,insight,observations and plain common sense. Your sense of humor goes a long way to encourage people
that they are not alone with how they feel. I need to treat myself better and pamper my self.I also need to get dressed more often,whether I go out or stay home.Thanks for your encouragement .I have a new year resolution,avoid A-Holes and negativity about who you are.Also,great news Forrest, and good luck.I hope it works out.Sounds exciting.
also like to say,stay safe,stay healthy,have fun
Life Is Great enjoy. John (Jackie Oh No) Palser

Lee Richards said...

Dear Cupcake: This year I decided to finally retire (actually forced to resign from my high profile position at a well-known University because I started to come out with hose, heels, and some make-up). My partner is the most incredible female imaginable: a lesbian most of her life, she is in love with me and my feminity. With her help and support, I have finally fully come out and live/dress as a woman 24/7. This year I will be getting breast implants and a voicebox alteration (I hope). I can tell you it is incredibly liberating to go anywhere I want, wear what I want (make-up, clothes, hairstyle, etc.) and not be bothered by the ogles, cruel looks, or snide comments. Actually, the reality is that all of that is rare and that people mostly ignore me or simply smile. My advice to all the tgirls out there is that our fear is self-imposed. Be yourselves and the woman you want to be and to hell with the rest of the world.

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