Monday, September 17, 2012

The Best of Friends - By Cici Kitten For Suddenly Fem


This is the story of two emails. One that I recently received.  And one that I never received.  Together, they define for me, the nature of friendships in tgirl world.

As most of you already know, or are quickly realizing, online relationships are an important part of tgirl life.  Thanks to the online world, I have friends all over the world.  Some of them I’ve met.  Some of them I’ve never met. And some of them, no matter how dear, no matter how much we’ve shared, I know I will never meet.

And geography has little to do with it.  I’ve met some people from the UK or Australia several times, and we’ve become quite close.  While I have friends right here in Southern California who I’ve never met.

Tgirl life is pretty complicated.
  But tgirl relationships are even more complicated. Every girl is facing her own set of restraints and hurdles.  And, for a variety of reasons, some girls feel free to go out while others do not.  So it’s sometimes difficult for even the best of friends to actually meet.

The email that brought this up came from a dear friend.  She was apologizing for ‘dropping out of sight’ for a while.  And she hoped that I hadn’t taken offense.  I guess some girls might be more sensitive to that kind of thing, but I took no offense.  It didn’t even cross my mind to take offense.  The truth is, and this is not a knock on our community, but I’ve come to expect friends to fade in and out.  I often think of tgirl world the same way that Dorothy first reacted to Oz:  “People come and go so quickly here.”

The second email was the one that never arrived.  It was an email from a friend I’d met online and chatted with quite frequently.  At one point, she had some business in Southern California, and asked if we could get together.  She’d only been out a few times back in her home area, so she was really excited about going out in L.A.

I took her out to a couple of bars, and she really seemed to have a good time.  For a newbie, she seemed very comfortable out in public in girl mode.  And when she got back home, she sent me a couple of nice emails to thank me. 

But that was it. It’s been over a year, and I haven’t heard from her since. I sent off a few emails, but I’ve never heard back.  I suppose I could have unknowingly offended her or pissed her off.  But I don’t think so.  We never exchanged a cross word.  We never had a misunderstanding. And yet, she’s gone.

Someone else might be offended. But after ten years of chatting online (can you believe it’s been 10 years of this craziness?), I’ve gotten used to people dropping in and out of the scene.  It just comes with the territory.  Especially when you’re living a lifestyle that is often kept in secret.  Girls get promotions at work.  Or they get fired. They get married. Or they get divorced.  They find a new girlfriend.  They have a child. Or another child.  Or they are forced to move back in with their folks.  Some cd’s transition, become women, and simply decide to leave the cd world behind.

And I hold no grudge against any of them.  How could I?  They’re doing what they want, and when you get right down to it, isn’t that the larger issue behind this whole thing? The freedom to live your life as you wish?

Obviously, I would have preferred that the girl in question tell me she was “going away.” Some of my other friends have.  But I also realize that that’s not always possible.  Sometimes situations arise rather quickly.  And there’s just no time for good byes.

So why am I telling you all this?  Because, even after 10 years, this can take some getting used to.  Like most of us, I didn’t grow up with the internet. I’ve never had internet friends before.   So this sometimes vague online connection that we call “friendship” is really quite different than what “friendship” has meant to me in years past.

Which brings me to an event called Viva Wild Side.  Viva (or VWS) is a weeklong tgirl party in Las Vegas, and I’ve attended it the past four years.  It’s a growing event.  More and more new girls come every year.  And that’s exciting. 

It’s also exciting to see the girls develop and grow each year (myself included).  Every year, we see girls improving in their feminine style and presentation.  We see growth in their self-confidence and pride.  And as I experience all this, I feel myself getting caught up in their journeys.  The individual journeys that each of these girls is traveling alone in her own life.  They’re all so engaging. They’re all so inspiring.

But sometimes those journeys lead them away.  Some girls give up the tgirl life.  Some get caught up in vanilla world details such as careers, families, marriages, and grandchildren. Little things like that tend to get in the way of the feminine fun.  So while I’m always thrilled to see a lot of my old friends and meet new ones at each year’s VWS, I still miss the girls who don’t come.  I know I might see some of them again.  But I also know that I may never see some of them again.  That’s just the way this life works.

And that’s why I’m writing this blog.  I’ve come to expect that people in my tgirl life tend to come and go.  But what I’m learning is that that makes every moment with them that much more precious.  In real life.  In online world.  A friend is a precious thing.  Because there is no promise that a friend – no matter how close, no matter how dear – will be there tomorrow. 

So while I’m still in touch with most of my friends, I’d like to take a moment to thank them all.  For their friendship.  For their sisterhood.  And most of all, for inspiring me and for making what could have been a long, lonely, individual journey into an incredibly fun and lively one!

If you’re reading this blog, I hope you’ve made friends in t-world.  I hope you have people you can confide in and share with and laugh with and cry with.  And if you don’t, I hope you make friends soon.  I’m not saying anything new or revolutionary here, but life is short, moments are fleeting, and good friends have a way of making the bad days tolerable and the good days … heaven. 

Take care out there.
(And take care of your friends, too!)

Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.


cindiegurl50 said...

Wow CiCi, you do have a way with words!! You are so right. I have chatted with you a few times, and It has always been nothing but pleasant, even enlightening to a degree. I appreciate your blogs, and most of all just how Hip you are to our world. Thanks so much...Kisses...Cindie

Anonymous said...

Hi Cici - Very well put! I think there are many out there who go through the "cycle" of being CD and then not, know what I mean?? I have some friends who when I reach out will say, I'm just not that much into it lately, then, a month or so later, I get this "flaming hot" email with pics and all!! It can be quit entertaining at times!
At the end of the day you are correct of course, we all need to do what works for us and appreciate the time we have together.
Having said that, I'd give much to find some more regular friends here in San Diego, so I can swinging away!
Thanks for the message, take care of you!!


Anonymous said...


Over the past year, I have been reading your blogs silently and would like to say that I am glad that the t-girl community has an eloquent writer, such as you, who has the courage to voice the issues that we all face.

Like many of us, I had to purge my designer wardrobe once before and struggle with the issues of marriage, family, and career demands en drab. I had "gone away" for four years after getting married without notifying anybody, but find that my return from "hibernation" has made me stronger and more willing to come out of the closet and darkness and into broad daylight at public establishments.

I started over and found new internet friends, while some old ones found me. Unfortunately, I have had to maintain a degree of separation to ensure that my two worlds don't collide. My male (and female) internet friends/admirers have given me the validation and encouragement to go one step further over the past year. T-friendly sites like TBF have provided more feminine articles to take my femme side to all new levels of passability. And chatting away with a few other t-girls reassured me that my experiences were not abnormal or unique.

Scheduling live meetings has always been challenging due to coordinating logistics on both sides and faced by constraints from our other lives. Nonetheless, the journey has been less lonely, and there is hope that t-girl world is becoming more acceptable than I would have believed had it nor been for internet friends who come and go.

My hope is that this lifestyle will become popular and accepted as normal, just as lesbianism is viewed as "hot" by both men and women. A more accepting world would make our lifestyle less fragile and more sustainable, so that we don't have extended leaves of absences against our own will.

Please keep up the great work! You are a shining beacon for those out there who cannot express themselves as you do.

All the Best,

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Anonymous said...


First, the outfit you are depicted in is tres, tres hot.

Secondly, as someone who is just beginning to experiment with crossdressing - I just purchased my first panties and slips/camisoles - I love reading your blog. For me to take the next step, however, I need someone to teach me how to apply makeup, walk in heels, etc. any ideas on finding the right t-girl guide and confidante?

Thanx, girlfriend.

Jessica Jonson

Anonymous said...


First, the outfit in which you are depicted is tres, tres hot!

Secondly, as someone who is new to crossdressing - I just purchased my first panties and slips/camisoles - I find your blogs extremely affirming and informative. At this point in my journey, I need someone to teach me how to apply makeup, walk in heels, etc. Any suggestions on how to find the right t-girl tour guide and confidante?

Thanks, girlfriend.

Jessica Jonson

Lee Richards said...

Hi CiCi. I have been one of the "silent" followers of your blogs and greatly admire you and the other tgirls of whom you speak. I would very much like to chat/email with you and become one of your friends. How do I do that? My email address is so feel free to drop me a line. I so look forward to hearing from you.

Sasami said...

That's amazing! I am considering coming out of the closet and now I see that I don't have to be afraid. I also didn't know that there were more T-Girls out there. I agree that friendships with other tgirls can be fun. Please reccommend where I can actually talk to more Tgirls like me? Thanks for the blog. Take care of yourself.


Jodi said...

Love ya CiCi. Your #1 Fan in Phoenix,AZ. Jodi XXOO

CiCi said...

Thanks for your comments, everyone. And I should add that i'm no different than a lot of girls who come and go in this lifestyle. i've been pretty consistent the past 5-6 years or so, but the first 5 years I was definitely an "off again, on again" kind of girl -- including a major purge that involved dragging three large garbage bags of clothes to the local landfill. (I hope the coyotes and raccoons who live up there enjoyed my fire engine red thigh high boots!)

so i can definitely empathize with how hard it is to not only be consistent, but find friends who are consistent as well.

and that brings me to my final point, regarding finding a mentor or tour guide. here are three suggestions. (1) go to a local makeup artist and get a makeover. the artist will teach you tons of tricks and products, and he/she will probably know about some great get-togethers in your area. (2) join a tgirl group through your therapist/counselor or through the local lbgt center. if no such group exists, start one! you can be sure there are other girls in your area craving the same kinds of interactions. (3) get out! make friends and meet people. get off line and get out of your house. even if you have your meetings in private. and btw... meetings and get-togethers need not be based on sex or dating. lots of girls love to go online and talk (brag?) about their sexual exploits and all the orgies they've attended. but most girls aren't like that. take it from me, if all you're looking for are friends, you can be sure there are lots of girls in your area seeking exactly the same thing. and you can help each other with all those common challenges -- from style and makeup to femininity and personal issues.

just remember... this is 2012... you do not have to be alone.


Nicci Tristan said...

Nicely written Miss Ci xxoo

Divinyl said...

Great insight hon.  
I also like to think the good friends who endure are the special ones who understand friendship is a two way street. They stop talking about themselves long enough to ask about you.  They take an interest in your life, problems and success.
I think the very nature of what we do can invite a certain amount of self absorption.  Many online acquaintances have a bad case of the 'me-me' syndrome.  
Comment on my pictures!
Teach me how to walk!
Teach me how to do my makeup!
Teach me how to dress!

I'll gladly do all that...for a friend! 
But, I think cyber land, while opening up great potential for meeting people, has also cheapened the concept of friendship. Friends are collected like candy.  Friends are actually not friends, but merely resources, or sounding boards.  A step on the ladder you climb to reach a goal or realize an agenda.
So when you do actually pull from that landscape a circle of good friends, you hold them dear and hold them close.  
Few will rarely stay in our lives for the duration, for all those reasons CiCi mentions.  But the good ones touched our lives, made them better, and we made their's better as well.
You may laugh when I say this, but among the best friends of my life have been my dogs.  Loyal, selfless and generous beyond comprehension.  And yet if we're lucky, we get ten or twelve years with them.  But they stay with us forever in our hearts.  They will never be forgotten, and neither will those special friends who drift in and out of our lives.
You are def one of them my Ci.

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I will always get kick of reality exposing the foolishness of man made laws, and thank God for reality triumphing what man foolishly attempts.

Anonymous said...

Hi Cici,
I am so impressed with how open and honest you are with your conflicts in your separate lives. My heart goes to you. You should be able to celebrate who you are with no separation. My husband finally told me that he loves to cross dress. I love everything about him so of course I embraced it! lol! That's putting it mildly! I pick up makeup for him, shopped for lingerie (first I had him try mine so we could figure what materials he liked or didnt like)and am now looking on Suddenly Fem for wigs, breasts...etc. He will be gorgeous! We are planning to out for dinner or a movie for his first time out. I do not know why other women do not accept this facet of their spouse. It has brought a whole new level of intimacy into our relationship. Yes, I am dom and he is my sub. I couldnt be happier. Keep writing Cici and getting the word out there! There is nothing sadder than trying to be something that you are not! Be the you that God made you to be. Be courageous! Live love laugh!
Mistress Leslie

Anonymous said...

Hello Cici: I have been reading your blogs for a short time but I have very much enjoyed them. I have loved wearing womens clothes since I was a teenager many moons ago. I do dress in private and have never ventured out, although I really admire any one who does. Well, I just wanted to say thank you and if you have some time or if anyone else reading this would like to correspond please drop me a line at

Cheers all, Renee

CiCi said...

Mistress Leslie, thanks so much for your kind comments, and much happiness to you and your subbie hubbie turned tgirl! i know you already are getting a sense of this, but you both have a lifetime of fun and exploration and discovery ahead! (And let us know how the first time out goes!)

Renee, you are just like so many other girls! i really hope you can find a way to get out -- just to see what it feels like. but as i tell everyone, don't go alone! find some friends or an event in your area to attend. it's much more safe to go out in a group, and much more fun as well!

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