Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It's Just Wrong! A blog for by CiCiKitten

Because of the progress that transpeople have made in the world today, we’re getting a lot more media coverage and airtime.  From legislative changes to Chaz Bono dancing on prime time television to stories of parents of gender variant children allowing their kids to live the way they wish to, most of what’s happening is positive.  And even the more negative stuff that we hear is still a sign of the progress we’re making and the acceptance that is slowly, gradually, sometimes begrudgingly, coming to our community as a whole.

But with that, as expected, comes a backlash.  Talk show pundits, conservative or religious leaders, and online bloggers are quick to fire back at every step of progress we make.  Some insult us.  Some deny us our right to exist. And some just plain spew hate.
But very few can make a logical argument against us.  And no one can win a logical argument against us. 

Because here in America, we live in a free society.  I don’t believe “freedom of expression” is specifically mentioned in the Bill of Rights, but I know that “freedom of speech” is, and that has usually been broadened to mean “freedom of expression.”  I’m not sure why the haters don’t get this simple fact of law.  Forget about the fact that I don’t see why they feel the need to stick their noses in my business any way! But why on earth would any American who’s enjoying the freedoms that this country provides wish to start us down a path where we start limiting freedoms?  I don’t care if you’re straight or gay, vanilla or kinky, Democrat or Republican, you can’t want to go down that road.  And if I’m not hurting anyone (other than myself through the possibility of losing my job, my career, my retirement, my family, and/or my romantic relationships just for starters), then why should anyone else care?

But they do care. And they do not give up easily. So eventually, as the arguments against us are dismissed one by one, sooner or later it will happen.  The pundit on TV, the preacher in the pulpit, the anonymous online message poster, and, sadly, sometimes, the loving wife sitting across from you on the couch, will utter that final, condemning statement.  The only argument they have left in their underequipped arsenal.  And they will look into the camera or they will look into your eyes and they will say, “It’s just wrong.”

Their other arguments hold no weight.  Their attempts to conjure the “good old days” or Bible references or biological facts haven’t changed us.  So all they have left is, “It’s just wrong.”  A woman should not live as a man. A man should not live as a woman. 

That kind of argument reminds me a lot of what my father used to say when he didn’t have a good reason for forbidding me to do something.  He’d simply say, “Because I said so.”  It was a cop out.  It was a fall back for when all other arguments had failed.  And it’s the same way with, “It’s just wrong.”

Cross dressing isn’t wrong. It may not be traditional.  Or conventional.  Or even typical.  But that doesn’t make it wrong.  It only makes it unique.  Special.  Delightfully unconventional.  And what a sad world this would be if only the conventional were allowed to thrive. We’d still be living in the Stone Age.  I contend that most of the greatest developments, inventions and revolutionary ideas in history have come from individuals who were unconventional.  People who thought outside the norm. And had the strength of their conviction to stand up to the naysayers and the haters. 

Now I’m not putting crossdressers on the same level as Galileo or Einstein or Jonas Salk. But you get the idea.  Noncomformists rock!  And if you look back over history, time and time again, they’ve rocked the world.

Often the pundits will dismiss freedom as expressed in our Bill of Rights by saying, “That’s not what the founding fathers intended.”  As if we know what the founding fathers intended!  Or that we even know if most of the founding fathers agreed on every point. (I’m sure they didn’t.) All we know is that they debated long and hard over a lot of what’s in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, and what we have today is what they came up with.  And what we have today is pretty special.  The blueprint for what Lincoln later called, this “noble experiment” -- this idea that people could govern themselves.  Make their own decisions.  Elect their own leaders. Make up their own laws.

Apparently this idea was pretty radical at the time.  And it’s been tested pretty hard over the past 200 years or so.  And, honestly, it hasn’t always served its citizenry well.  Ask any woman.  Ask any slave. Ask any minority.  America’s history is messy and fraught with mistakes.  But what those founding fathers came up with is still pretty much genius.  It says that I have the right to be me. And you have the right to be you.  And we both have the right to express ourselves. (They even included the notion of “checks and balances” so that minorities – who would always be out-voted by the majority -- still stood a chance in the political/legislative arena.)

It ain’t wrong.  Expressing yourself.  Being your true self – as long as it isn’t hurting anyone else – is never wrong.  Heck, it’s what we cheer about in movies and fairy tales and all those tear-jerking stories on Barbra Walters’ specials:   People – against all odds – being true to themselves.

So if I want to dress like a girl.  Or a monkey.  Or a comic book hero.  Or a fire hydrant.  I have the right to do so.  I also have to accept that unconventional dressing may have an adverse affect on my employment prospects and romantic relationships, but that’s the risk I take.  And in the case of the fire hydrant, I guess I’d run the risk of getting pissed on as well. But if I want to take that risk, it’s my business.  It’s my right. And it is right.  It isn’t wrong.

But since I’m kind of on a roll, here some things that, in my humble opinion, are just wrong:

It’s just wrong to tell someone else how to express their gender.
It’s just wrong to limit freedoms granted by the Constitution.
It’s just wrong to demote, limit, or fire a capable, experienced employee because he or she does not conform to your idea of gender. (And it’s just wrong not to hire a qualified candidate because he or she does not conform to your idea of gender.)
It’s just wrong to tell a child that he or she has to act a certain way because of their body’s sex organs.
It’s just wrong to tell someone who they can or cannot love -- or who they can or cannot marry.
It’s just wrong to allow crimes – especially violent crimes -- against transgendered people to go unsolved because you regard them as second class citizens.
It’s just wrong to consider any group “second class citizens.”
It’s just wrong to sit in the secure anonymity of the online world and make hateful comments about others that you will never have to answer for.
It’s just wrong to use religious arguments in speaking with people who may not subscribe to your religious views or to any religious views.
It’s just wrong to think you’re always right.
It’s just wrong to tell school kids they have to endure bullying – that it’s just part of growing up.
It’s just wrong to drive a child (or an adult, for that matter) to suicide because you don’t happen to understand the way they choose to live their life.
It’s just wrong to publish unfounded stories about celebrities cross dressing when you (a) know you’re just spreading hearsay, and (b) treat cross dressing like a crime akin to serial killing or child molestation.
It’s just wrong to deny a good father or grandfather access to his kids or grandkids because he has begun expressing his feminine side.
It’s just wrong to stop trying to make a relationship work because the person you once loved deeply is now changing.

I could go on and on.  But here’s one last one that no one should ever have to say:

It’s just wrong to beat a 17 month old boy to death because “I was trying to make him act like a boy instead of a little girl.”  (

Sadly, that last point shows just how far America needs to go to get educated about transgender lives and transgender issues.

This isn’t to say that we transgender folk are never wrong.  We’re wrong a lot.  And, in a way, we have the right to be wrong. To make mistakes. To screw up our lives.  And unfortunately many of us will.  But it least it will be our decision.  Our choice. 

The truth is, all of those who oppose us also have the right to speak out. That’s part of those freedoms the founding fathers established.  So if I want to be free to act and speak as I wish, I have to be ready to endure the commentary and actions of those who oppose me.  All I’m saying is, if you’re a wife or a girlfriend or a parent or a priest or a teacher or a politician or television personality or a schoolyard bully, you better have a better argument than, “It’s just wrong.”  Because if that’s all you’ve got then you should start re-evaluating your stance, reconsidering your position, or maybe start looking for another issue to debate altogether.  Because in the long run, if logic prevails, you’re never going to win this one.

Oh, and one last thought about those founding fathers.  As I said above, I’ll never try to project back 200 years to guess at what they truly “intended.”  But I do know this.  In every illustration I’ve ever seen of them… the founding fathers were all wearing heels, stockings, and big fluffy wigs. 

And if that outfit was good enough for Thomas F’n Jefferson, then it’s damn sure good enough for me!

Take care out there!
Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy!



Anonymous said...

i agree with you 100% people shouild be able to live how they want however they see fit people should not judge other people

Jamie Delaney said...

I agree 99.99%...the only correction I'd make is that the Constitution provides no freedoms, our Creator does. The Constitution PROTECTS our freedoms from governments, persecuters, etc. I love you and your blog, you're inspirational to MANY of us...Thank You for having the courage to express what many of us think!

Susanna Sweet said...

Thank you Cici. I just wish everyone would understand the freedom's they have and the fact that they have to let others have they're freedoms as well.

Not only are these facts written down in our constitution, but in the fields of white stars and crosses. The men and women who died for us. For "US", you and me! And all the others out there trying so hard to make there dreams come true. They gave they're lives so we could live ours.

I do everything I can to pass on the word of freedom of choice. I have as much right to dress as I want. Just as much as another has the right to feel I'm wrong. It's just that when they slander, or harm anyone, do they take our freedoms and thats what I wish they would understand.

Keep up your stand Cici. I love your articles!


Deanna said...

Hugs to all Deanna

Emilio Alonso said...

TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU CiCi !!!!!As long as we don't hurt anybody, if something makes us happy, we have the obligation to cultivate it !!! ...
Big Hug, Emilio

Markie said...

Thank you CiCi for your site and your blog. Honesty, sincerity, and courage will ALWAYS be appreciated by those people who are sick and tired of lies, fraud, and intimidation. Especially when those three variables come from religious, political, and community leaders! Keep on writing and encourage your readers there is nothing wrong about being feminine. It does have certain advantages over the macho-man crowd!

CiCi said...

Thanks, everyone for your comments. I really appreciate it. i know things aren't going to change overnight. and, despite how frustrated it makes me, I realize how slow most people are to accept what seems odd or new to them. but that still doesn't explain why people lash out with anger and hatred towards anything or anyone that seems different.

Sean said...

check out the

Destiny said...

Hey, cici I love ur blog I wish people would understand us when I came out as transgender i through it would be rough but I have a supportive family and a good job I still have a long road to travel to make my dream come true ,keep up the good work u look so sexy. Your friend destiny

Kaylen20 said...

As the girlfriend of a 19-year-old, transgender (currently) male, I couldn't agree more. Society is very cruel and people act out in anger when they don't understand something. Intolerance and Ignorance are the human species' major downfalls. I just wish I could protect my sweetheart from the awful things people will say and do after he transitions.

CiCi said...

thanks so much for your comment. Your bf (soon to be gf!), is very lucky to have you in his life. i'm sure your bf knows the difficult road ahead, but like so many others in today's world, he has decided that the risks are worth it. as one of my dear friends once said, "At least i don't wake up every morning thinking of committing suicide." transition is a very difficult -- and often lonely -- road. but your bf has something on his side that no other tgirl has ever had before.

he has you. (and i'm betting that that will make all the difference.)
my best wishes to both of you!!


Anonymous said...

While some of your posts are legitimate such as this one, I can't say that I relate to you on every level. You are in the "fantasy" crossdressing world. You are vinyl and latex. This site needs more than that. There needs to be a writer for the daily dressers, the subtle, fashionable pencil skirt and nice top dressers. Being that is what sells, why wouldn't that be what they are writing about. There should be proper balance.


Ty said...

Hey Sandra,

We currently have two writers. Cici and Cupcake. Cici writes about really introspective subjects. Her clothing style is more fetish, but many of the posts are not really fetish related at all - they affect all TG related persons ( rights, loves, fears, in the life etc).
Cupcake is focusing on relationships and some shopping tips.

Anonymous said...

SuddenlyFem seems to be having to answer a lot of questions concerning "Cupcake" and now using her as a polar opposite to CiCi, which she isn't. Realism is all I'm asking as a demure, classy traditional passing CD.


Sandra M. Lopes said...

This was a most inspiring article; thank you for writing it!

I'm not American, but obviously in my own country (which also became a democracy after half a century of being a despotic autocracy, 38 years ago) the same freedom of expression applies. Furthermore, around here, anyone going through transition (and not only after transition) is entitled to get their IDs changed to whatever gender they prefer, and you can get a civil marriage between two people, independently of each other's gender (the right to adoption is on the queue...). These are basic guarantees of freedom of "being oneself" and discrimination laws are in place to prevent us from being "an excluded minority".

That's all great in terms of legislation. Unfortunately, legislation cannot rule people's minds and hearts, and "it's just wrong" is the last irrational argument when there is no legal support to condemn our actions. Strangely enough, it was far easier to change the constitution and the legislation than to change people's minds — simply because people do not want to change.

I suppose it's up to us to give good, solid examples that we're not "freaks" and "monsters" but just normal, healthy, law-abiding human beings and, as such, entitled to the same rights as anyone else. It's just wrong to deny us these very same rights. Constitutions and legislation are on our side; but the people aren't.

That's just wrong.

CAsunshine said...

I read the article about the toddler-how awful and how it shows what our society teaches us as to what are acceptable norms and to what lengths you can go to tto correct them.

My son's step-dad screams and yells at him (the bastard won't touch my son for fear of arrest) because he's not an 'all-man' jock stereotype. My son prefers to sketch architecture, read, or listen to music. Society's 11th commandment, "Thou shalt not be different>"

Lavender Michelle said...

I so, relate to what you've said here. Last summer, I had a tiff with my partner/wife and she totally outed me to EVERYONE, friends, church, children...all I could do, cowardly enough, was duck and cover and deny, deny, deny...there is such a stigma to a male/fem...and the good news, is she, the partner, didn't know the half of it, a fraction of it...she only knew that on occasion to spice up our sex, I'd wear a fem thong or panty hose, the occasional cami...she had know Idea of my delight in lacy lavender, pink, purple, black whatever, lingerie...the more feminine, sexy the better...and I just love panty hose, thongs, flowey flouncy skirts, make-up know the whole package...but it's not about the accoutrements, is it, girls, it's about that delicious, aching, breathless feeling in the core of your being, the pit of your stomach, the absolute delight in being feminine, beautiful, lithe and womanly. The delicious irony is, relative to this blog, and the theme of "It's Just Wrong" as expressed by churchy , straight laced judgers, including partners, pastors, and piqued purveyors of prevailing propriety, the irony is, that being feminine, dressed and expressed in girly fullness, makes me feel closer to God and love and the consuming sweet surrender to the universal presence than I have ever experienced prior. It doesn't matter, Anonymous, whether one is a latex fantasy girl, a skirt and blouse secretary girl, a flaming queen, or like myself, a peasant skirted, flowing top country girl from Denver, or even a down to earth jeans and cami girl who dresses like "real girls", it's all about the spiritual connection, the manifestation of that yearning, aching truth just bursting to find expression: that while we are outwardly, biologically men, our souls are that of the divine feminine, the goddess, the eternal Yin principal. And we LOVE it! Thanks CiCi, I always delight in your insights. Love, Kisses, Michelle.

Anonymous said...

CiCi, I just read your blog. I have to say that I completely AND TOYALLY agree with everything you said in it. It is VERY wrong for everyone to say the things they do and do what they do to all who just want to live their own lives the way they want. I hope you don't mind but I would very much like to forward what you said to several people I know. I wont do anything until I hear from you though. Thank you for putting how I have felt into words.

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