Thursday, January 12, 2012
Every Girl Has Got to Get Out Sometime
Every girl needs to get out of the house sometimes, even when you’re not a girl 24/7. While going out isn’t the first step for a crossdresser or transwoman, it’s certainly a big one. Whether you’re going out on your own as a single girl or you’re heading out with your wife or partner, this can change how you feel about yourself. It can take more than a new tube of lipstick or a pair of heels to step outside your own front door and your comfort zone.
Practice makes perfect. Before you worry about dressing in public, get comfortable dressing in private, with or without your partner’s help. Figure out your bra size, learn to balance in heels and master the art of mascara. Get clothes that fit your frame and flatter your figure. Buy a wig you love and get the styling down pat. If you don’t have a best girlfriend to help you out, hit YouTube, fashion magazines and blogs. Feeling comfortable in your clothes and your skin will help give you the confidence you need to go out on the town.
If you’re single, you can head out when you feel ready, hopefully with the support of good friends. When you’re married or in a long-term relationship, this isn’t just your decision. You’re going to have to work this one out with your partner, and you may be ready long before she is or conversely, she may see it as no big deal and you’re a nervous wreck. Every relationship is different, but the two of you may want to come up with parameters for when you dress up, whether you go out alone or with her, and acceptable behavior when you’re dressed. These conversations will be a lot easier if there’s a basis of trust, particularly if you want to go out alone.
You may want to feel out the local environment alone or together. Check out the club scene and get to know some local girls, while you’re still wearing pants. If there’s not a trans-friendly club scene, maybe it’s time to schedule a mini-vacation to the nearest big city. Support groups with security and confidentiality agreements can help you get to know potential friends without risk or you can meet girls online. Having a girlfriend to show you the ropes on the first time out can make this nerve-wracking night downright fun. If you can, find a group that welcomes partners and consider planning a double date. Getting to know other couples, particularly couples who’ve been there and done that, can make the whole situation easier for both of you.
While no one’s advocating pressuring your partner, you can help her to feel safe and comfortable with your desires. She may not be ready for an average Saturday night at a night club, but might feel fine with you getting all dressed up on Halloween. Making your first trip out on Halloween can ease concerns about being seen and recognized and help both of you embrace a playful attitude toward what can be a pretty stressful night. Even in a small town or conservative environment, crossdressing is socially acceptable and not apt to raise any eyebrows for costume parties, Halloween pub crawls and similar activities.
If going out is still a no-go for your partner, even after you’ve done the support group thing, addressed the what-ifs and what-nots, you may be left with some hard and frankly, unfair, choices. The answer here depends on you and your priorities. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that you’re okay staying indoors and largely, in the closet. You may be willing to go out, without her acceptance or support and deal with the consequences. If you’re lucky, a bit more time and a few more conversations will let the two of you come to an agreement you can both live with and feel good about, whether that’s dressing whenever and wherever you please or finding a negotiated middle ground.
While we hate to even think about it, you do need to consider your personal safety. Violence against transwomen is a serious problem and a real risk. Simply put, you need to think like a girl to protect yourself. Use the buddy system. Take along your wife, a close friend, or any other warm body. There’s safety in numbers. Be aware of your surroundings and listen to your instincts. Even if you’re not totally out of the closet, make sure someone knows where you are. Think twice before you go home with someone, even if you’re single.
Posted by Cupcake at 3:34 PM