Thursday, January 12, 2012

Every Girl Has Got to Get Out Sometime


Every girl needs to get out of the house sometimes, even when you’re not a girl 24/7. While going out isn’t the first step for a crossdresser or transwoman, it’s certainly a big one. Whether you’re going out on your own as a single girl or you’re heading out with your wife or partner, this can change how you feel about yourself. It can take more than a new tube of lipstick or a pair of heels to step outside your own front door and your comfort zone.

Practice makes perfect. Before you worry about dressing in public, get comfortable dressing in private, with or without your partner’s help. Figure out your bra size, learn to balance in heels and master the art of mascara. Get clothes that fit your frame and flatter your figure. Buy a wig you love and get the styling down pat. If you don’t have a best girlfriend to help you out, hit YouTube, fashion magazines and blogs. Feeling comfortable in your clothes and your skin will help give you the confidence you need to go out on the town.

If you’re single, you can head out when you feel ready, hopefully with the support of good friends. When you’re married or in a long-term relationship, this isn’t just your decision. You’re going to have to work this one out with your partner, and you may be ready long before she is or conversely, she may see it as no big deal and you’re a nervous wreck. Every relationship is different, but the two of you may want to come up with parameters for when you dress up, whether you go out alone or with her, and acceptable behavior when you’re dressed. These conversations will be a lot easier if there’s a basis of trust, particularly if you want to go out alone.

You may want to feel out the local environment alone or together. Check out the club scene and get to know some local girls, while you’re still wearing pants. If there’s not a trans-friendly club scene, maybe it’s time to schedule a mini-vacation to the nearest big city. Support groups with security and confidentiality agreements can help you get to know potential friends without risk or you can meet girls online. Having a girlfriend to show you the ropes on the first time out can make this nerve-wracking night downright fun. If you can, find a group that welcomes partners and consider planning a double date. Getting to know other couples, particularly couples who’ve been there and done that, can make the whole situation easier for both of you.

While no one’s advocating pressuring your partner, you can help her to feel safe and comfortable with your desires. She may not be ready for an average Saturday night at a night club, but might feel fine with you getting all dressed up on Halloween. Making your first trip out on Halloween can ease concerns about being seen and recognized and help both of you embrace a playful attitude toward what can be a pretty stressful night. Even in a small town or conservative environment, crossdressing is socially acceptable and not apt to raise any eyebrows for costume parties, Halloween pub crawls and similar activities.

If going out is still a no-go for your partner, even after you’ve done the support group thing, addressed the what-ifs and what-nots, you may be left with some hard and frankly, unfair, choices. The answer here depends on you and your priorities. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that you’re okay staying indoors and largely, in the closet. You may be willing to go out, without her acceptance or support and deal with the consequences. If you’re lucky, a bit more time and a few more conversations will let the two of you come to an agreement you can both live with and feel good about, whether that’s dressing whenever and wherever you please or finding a negotiated middle ground.

While we hate to even think about it, you do need to consider your personal safety. Violence against transwomen is a serious problem and a real risk. Simply put, you need to think like a girl to protect yourself. Use the buddy system. Take along your wife, a close friend, or any other warm body. There’s safety in numbers. Be aware of your surroundings and listen to your instincts. Even if you’re not totally out of the closet, make sure someone knows where you are. Think twice before you go home with someone, even if you’re single.

13 comments:

Rica said...

Excellent article! Wise with good advice. Well appreciated. Thanks with Luv! Rica from Nebraska

Gigi said...

Thanks for some great advice and insight about hangin out and approaching the subject. I'm single and looking for a partner, hoping to find her in the clubs or hot spots

jessie said...

Just loved the article!!! and oh if it was that easy she said she supports me on my dressing decision just as long as she never sees it and never needs to shop with me or help with any of it so wheres the support? keep writing and I'll keep reading awesome blog!!!

jessie said...

Just loved the article!!! and oh if it was that easy she said she supports me on my dressing decision just as long as she never sees it and never needs to shop with me or help with any of it so wheres the support? keep writing and I'll keep reading awesome blog!!!

Julie said...

Very good article and advice. Having recently started going out and then coming out to my partner I am so fortunate to have found a group of T-Girls that provide much needed support. The first time out was so empowering.

Tanya said...

I just made the plunge. Me and the other half are going out this Friday ...wish me luck gurls..

Sandra M. Lopes said...

You know, I've used the arguments on your article to have a nice chat with my wife, who for years was very reluctant to allow me to go out — because she suffers from chronic anxiety, already went through a panic attack a few years ago, and obviously my risk of being attacked (or have an accident) while crossdressed gets her into a frenzy. We settled on doing this step-by-step, and the first one is just for me to become more comfortable driving around crossdress and walking a bit on empty streets on safe neighbourhoods. It's a start! And so much fun! Now I'll have to start planning for going out to a local club or something, or a dinner with some of my online friends — another huge step for my wife's anxiety, but we'll get there. Very slowly!

Thanks for such good advice on the right way to approach this delicate subject. It certainly helped me in my own relationship.

Janice said...

Great article and great advice Cupcake. I will never forget my first time out. My wife and I went shopping at a local mall. 4" red sandals, black skirt, red blouse. Just hearing my own footfalls in heels on the tile in the concourse was exciting. She was more worried than I was as she was afraid that we might run into someone that would know her and then me by association but everything went well and we shopped together for over an hour.

Anonymous said...

My first time out dressed I went to a outlet with many stores. I parked my car and got out. My heart was beating really fast as I realized that i was out there for any one to see me. As I walked towards the door there was some construction workers in my way. I just smiled at them and walked right by them into the mall.I window shopped and could see myself in the windows. I kept checking my look and no one was really looking at me. I made my way to the ladies room and went into a stall to use the toilet. Just as I got comfortable in the stall I heard someone close the door in the stall next to the one I was in.I could see her shoe and I heard her peeing. I quickly left the stall and was leaving when I saw a girl and a attendant trying to get a tampon out of the dispenser but if was not working. I went in my purse and gave it to the girl. She thanked me and went in a stall to change. As I walked around in the mall I happened to see her and could not help thinking that my tampon was in her vagina. It really turned me on knowing that I was able to help her out. That was my first time out dressed up as a woman.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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It will help you to get the feeling of being very feminine. Lol. Send me y.input as ever

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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