Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Question is: What is it Really Worth? By: Danielle at SuddenlyFem
As time goes on, naturally, society evolves. Generation from generation have different ideas of socially acceptable and moral code. At this point in 2011 the majority would say that as a society we are pretty liberal. Gays are fighting, and sometimes winning to be wed, music and media is more racy, sex is a subject that is talked about a great deal, and avoiding politics and religion is no longer considered an issue; All things that even 10 years ago weren’t necessarily “socially acceptable”. For the record, I HATE that term. You’ll see that I use it a lot, but I think it is asinine.
What the majority doesn’t like to admit is that there are still subjects and lifestyles that make them uncomfortable to discuss—Things and ideas that just seem so out of the norm or radical to bring up in casual or serious conversation. Over my time working for SuddenlyFem I have heard hundreds of stories from our customers. Stories of acceptance, stories of hate crimes, but more often than not—the stories of living double lives.
In our latest article from CiCi Kitten, a cross dresser for the past ten years, there was one quote in it that really resonated with me. He was discussing his t-girl lifestyle with his wife and she said, “I accepted it before I understood it”. I do believe that for most of my clientele that are living their double lives as Nicholas and Nicole would be more than thrilled to hear this from their significant other. Sure, some of my clients that live the double life truly enjoy the secrecy and the anonymity that goes with it. But, for the most part, I just hear a long for acceptance but they are scared. During one of my conversations this internal battle with the double lifestyle was put so simply, “It’s a matter of what it is worth. Do I put my house, my wife, my children and all the people and things in my regular life that make me happy on the line to cross dress? Or do I continue to live as I am and everyone is happy.” It made so much sense to me. It is a gamble. You don’t know if your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend, etc will accept it and it is like the stock market. You could lay it all out there and put all of your money into one stock, one admittance of your true self, and it can be wildly successful and accepted…or it could be Enron and be a disaster. It is really quite the decision for some.
There are so many questions that are associated with “coming out”. How do I even say it? When is the right time? Should I make it a disclaimer before I start dating someone? What if I’ve been married for years and just discovered my feminine side? Is my wife going to lose it? Will she think that I am gay? I could think of a million and one questions that would pass through the head of someone that was fighting the double life. Ultimately, it is a decision that has to be made by you. It’s something that you have to weigh. Do you want the double life forever? If your partner is not accepting does that mean that maybe they aren’t right for you? Are you just assuming that there is no way that your partner won’t accept it? I was told when I was a child by my Leave it to Beaver parents that if you find the right person that they will accept you for everything that you are and everything that makes you who you are. If you gain 10 pounds it won’t make you unattractive, if you snort when you laugh…of course when I was a child they didn’t say if you enjoy a little BDSM now and again, or if you prefer to wear boxer briefs instead of thongs or satin panties instead of cotton. It is who you are as a person that makes them love you…quirks and all.
Now, I’m not trying to start a revolution over here. I don’t want to personally be blamed for anything in your personal life (LOL). I’m not saying that everyone will accept it because if you refer back to my original paragraph you will see that I know that there are things that still make people uncomfortable. They are uncomfortable because they don’t understand it…humans are not wired to accept change right away. If everyone were like CiCi’s wife the world would be a better place.
I want to know a bit more about your lives. This is a forum where you can openly discuss judgment free. What is your story? Is yours a story of acceptance? Do you live a double life? Have you ever been attacked for embracing your feminine side? This is a safe place to connect with other transgendered or cross dressers which can be hard to find in these “socially accepting” (sarcasm) times.
Posted by CiCi Kitten at 11:21 AM