Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Very Scary Halloween! By: CiCi Kitten

Here it is. Halloween 2010. Traditionally one of the happiest times for transgendered people. It’s a chance to dress up as a girl, hit the town, hit the clubs, strut your stuff, and dance your ass off. All without outing yourself. Let’s face it, if Halloween didn’t exist, we’d have to invent it.

I’ve written in this column before about how much I personally enjoy Halloween, how much dressing on Halloween meant to my development as a tgirl, and how much I enjoy the camaraderie of the tgirl community at this time of year. It sounds silly, but Halloween can be – and often is -- a life-changing experience in the life of a crossdresser. For many girls, the only thing standing between their closeted selves and a much more open, much more satisfied, and much more happy tgirl life is an opportunity. And for years, for thousands of people, Halloween has provided that opportunity. And I’m sure that this year will be the same.

Still there is some troubling news going on in this country that is threatening to steal some of the enjoyment from Halloween this year. Most of that news affects the gay and lesbian population – but, as is often the case – transgendered people are the silent faction amid the gays and lesbians. But we are no less affected by these issues, and we are often affected even more.

I’m talking about the rash of suicides in the young gay community lately. The issue has gotten a lot of media attention, and many celebrities have issued statements or created videos offering young people their support. At this point in time, pretty much everyone knows how difficult life is for gay teens. Young people in America are insulted, bullied, ostracized, and sometimes beaten if they are so much as suspected as being gay. So it’s no wonder that gay and lesbian teens are among the most at-risk groups for potential suicides. The rash of gay suicides reported recently is certainly newsworthy, but I doubt that it’s anything new. The sad truth is that gay youth have been committing suicide in large numbers for decades – and this despite great improvements in the acceptance of gays and lesbians in our society.

No matter what strides the gay community has made as a whole, its still hard to tell a bullied kid with no friends – and no support from his family, friends, church or school – that life is worth living. That it will get better. But that is precisely the message now being sent thanks to media coverage and events like Spirit Day (Dress in Purple Day) – that aim to combat rampant homophobia.

But too often, lost in all of this discussion, is any specific mention of transgendered youth. I have attended a few seminars on the issue of transgendered college students. And I left each time more frightened than before. As an adult who has seen great strides in the acceptance of my transgendered lifestyle in a major and fairly liberal metropolitan area (Los Angeles), perhaps I’ve forgotten how difficult it is to be a tg teen (either MTF or FTM) in a small town surrounded by less enlightened neighbors. For some reason, transgendered kids (and let’s face it, adults too) still feel extremely alone and ashamed in our society. For some reason, transgendered kids feel even more ashamed, lonely, and embarrassed by their instincts and urges than gay kids. And most suffer in silence.

I’d like to think that the internet is helping. Transgender kids can now learn a lot about the lifestyle and get insight from a variety of sources online. And they can do so without having to out themselves to their parents, teachers, counselors or clergy. It’d certainly be nice to think that teens could approach any of these people face-to-face, but we all know – and the kids all know – that that’s just not the reality yet.

Unfortunately, despite all the good that can occur online, the same mechanism that provides kids with support and acceptance can also be used against them. Cyber-bullying is extremely common among teens. As are insulting text messages, Facebook comments, and anonymous emails. Gay, transgendered, and even curious teens are often assaulted almost constantly with negative messages. Kids in the past could at least run home and hide in their bedrooms. But today messages of hate can still find kids in the safety of their own homes. Through the internet. Through their cell phones. There are times when the gay and transgendered kids of today are made to feel as though there is no escape. There is no where to run. Nowhere to hide. And no safe place for them anywhere in the world.

And that, sadly, leads to suicide attempts.

The message I’ve heard again and again the past few weeks is this, “It Gets Better.” And I’m living proof that it does. I didn’t come out when I was young. I was never bullied because of my sexuality (although I was bullied because I was weak, cowardly dork – but that’s another story). But I do know how much my life has changed for the better the more I accepted CiCi and the more I explored the transgendered aspects of my life – rather than repressing them.

I doubt many teens or college students are reading this blog. The Suddenly Fem audience is much older. But I’d still like to make this appeal to transgendered kids everywhere. It does get better. High school and junior high are all about fitting in. Being part of the in-crowd. But the rest of your life is all about standing out. Being an individual. Being yourself. It’s not always easy – as any of the readers of this blog can attest. Sometimes it’s damn hard. And scary. And painful. And embarrassing. And sometimes, people much older than you struggle with the same issues. It never gets easy. But it does get better.

Why? Because you get to take control of your life. As you grow and mature, you get to make decisions on where you live, who you hang with, who you become intimate with, and who you turn to for help and counsel. Real control is something that teens have a hard time truly understanding. Because you’ve never really had it. Your life is controlled by your parents, families, teachers and coaches. And your impression of the world is formed by these powerful people.

But as you grow, you start to take control. You start to form your own feelings and impressions about the important issues in your life. And that’s when life starts to really get good. Again, it doesn’t always get easy. Being a non-conformist of any kind is never easy in this world. So it doesn’t get easy, but it does get better. And there are thousands of adult transgendered people who would tell you that if they only could. It does get better. It does get better. It does get better.

For the adults reading this blog – which I’m sure is most of you – you might be wondering what you can do to help. Most of you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable counseling LGBT youth or serving as a mentor. (And I wouldn’t direct a youth to most tg websites that I visit online. It just wouldn’t be appropriate.)

But there is one way you can help. You can vote. I know we’re all looking forward to Halloween this year, but there may be an even more important annual event coming up for the gay, lesbian and transgendered communities. And that is Election Day. I know you and your family are faced with many issues today – the economy, the environment, the war in Afghanistan – these are complicated times. And you have to vote your conscience on all of these important issues. But I also hope you’ll take a good long look at candidates who support LGBT causes. It’s hard to tell a teen that it’s okay to be gay or transgendered when our entire nation can’t seem to decide how we feel about gay marriage or “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”

It’s a complicated world. Halloween for me has always been an escape from those complications – both the personal issues and the more global ones. So please. Dress up! Go out! And strut your sexy self this Halloween. Have a ball! That’s what holidays are for.

But please be sure to go out again on Election Day. No need to dress up in your crossdressing clothing. No need to apply make up. No need to out yourself in front of your entire town. You can do it all in private. It’s kind of ironic to me that the voting booth is a lot like a closet. You pull the curtain and no one knows what goes on in there. No one has to know.

Take care out there.

Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.
xoxo,

CiCi

128 comments:

Anonymous said...

CiCi
I have been reading your blogs for a while now but this is my first comment-you are one smart, sexy and insightful tgirl. I can oly say the world very much needs more lke you-blog on!

Anonymous said...

Er...typo alert, sorry!

Anonymous said...

Me again-sorry abot the typo, I don`t usualy do that.

CiCi said...

Anonymous!
No worries about the typo! Thanks so much for the comment!!
xoxo,
CiCi

Anonymous said...

I love your blog, I am a college transgendered guy too... What is your email I would like to contact you?

CiCi said...

Anonymous,
i am not a college guy, but i have attended some college panel discussions that included students.

however, you can email me any time at cicikitten@aol.com.

xoxo,
CiCi

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