Passing By: CiCi Kitten

Every so often I get a comment from someone about one of my photos. Now, believe me, I love getting comments. Especially compliments. Who doesn’t! I mean, that’s why we post pix, right?

But lately I’ve gotten a few comments like this, “I love your look. You’re so passable.” Or “I wish I was passable like you.” Now, of course, I’m flattered. I know how important “passing” is to some girls. So I take it as an enormous compliment. But here’s the thing, I’m not passable. In fact, I’m not even close.

Over the past few years, I’ve been out many times. I’ve been to clubs and events in L.A., San Francisco, Atlanta, and Las Vegas. I’ve been to alt clubs, fetish clubs, straight clubs, tgirl clubs and gay bars. I’ve pumped gas, shopped in convenience stores, eaten in fast food joints, and strolled through crowded casinos. I’ve literally come into contact with thousands of people from all walks of life. And I’ve never once been mistaken for a woman. Not once. Not even for a moment.

And it doesn’t surprise me a bit. I’m too tall. I’m too thick. My facial features are far from delicate. And, let’s face it, my crossdressing clothes are not like the typical woman. I mean, when was the last time you saw a chick dressed in head-to-toe latex at your local Koo Koo Roo Chicken? So I know I’m not fooling anyone. And the thing is, I don’t really try.

When I’m out, I try to present myself as the hottest, most attractive, and most stylish person I can be. And I think most of us have similar goals – although what we each consider hot, pretty, or stylish probably varies greatly. But I never expect to look like a woman. Or to be mistaken for a woman. I’m not on hormones for men. I’ve never had cosmetic surgery. So I just try to be the best tgirl I can be!

But for some girls this isn’t enough. They want to look feminine. They want others to see them as a woman. They may even want to become women. These kinds of girls are obviously coming at this from a much more serious perspective. (And all that I’m saying probably seems quite superficial to them.) But for most of us, passing isn’t possible. Nor should it even be a concern. Why spend a lot of time and energy fretting about something that is virtually impossible, when you could be enjoying yourself and having fun?

Now don’t get me wrong. I go to great lengths to look like a woman. From the crossdressing wigs, heels and falsies (both eyelashes and boobs!) to the hours spent in front of my mirror, perfecting my makeup, trying different hair styles, or attempting to feminize my gestures and walking. Make no mistake about it, I do all of that. Because I want to look feminine. I really do. And, what’s more, I enjoy feeling feminine when I’m dressed – whether I’m just hanging out at home or hitting the clubs of L.A.

I guess the difference just comes with expectations. For most of us, if you expect to pass, you’re going to be constantly disappointed in your look, and uncomfortable while you’re out. And what fun is that? I’m sure there are girls out there right now who are saying to themselves, “I’m not going out until I’m passable.” OMG, that’s such the wrong approach. Because, not only is going out fun, it also helps you become more girlie. Let’s face it, it’s relatively easy to take a few photos, touch them up a little, post the best of them online, and appear fairly feminine to others. It’s much harder to pull that off in person. When you’re out and among other people, you quickly learn how much work you still have to do on your voice, your walk, your gestures, your style. It’s a learning experience. I’ve been going out for several years and I still learn something new with every foray into the real world -- things that I could never learn sitting home at my computer. The irony is, if you wait until you’re “passable” before you go out, the only thing “passing” will be your life… and it will be passing you by.

Embrace what you are. You’re not a woman. You’re a tgirl. And let me tell you, a tgirl is a pretty incredible thing to be! I wish all of you could experience a trip to a tourist location like Hollywood Boulevard or the Strip in Las Vegas. It’s amazing. (Always best to go with a group of friends, btw!) Be prepared to get some attention. Tourists will actually stop you and ask to take pictures with you. You literally become a part of the attraction! Elderly couples, young singles, foreign exchange students, wedding parties! They’ve all asked me to pose in pix with them. Not because I passed. Quite the opposite. I was asked to pose because I stood out.

There’s something very special about being a tgirl. I’m not sure what it is – that’s a topic for another day -- but it fascinates people. And believe me, I know being out and dressed can also bring unwanted comments, stares, and even harassment. Sadly, that still comes with the territory these days. But for the most part, I’ve found people – total strangers -- to be friendly, good natured, curious, and quite intrigued by my dressing as a woman in public. They’ve also given me plenty of compliments. A couple of times, I’ve even been told that I look better than a woman! (Gotta love that!), but no one has ever said I looked like a woman.

When I interviewed pin-up star, Tara Emory, for this blog last year, she said she liked being thought of as mythical creature – like a mermaid or a unicorn. And I know exactly what she means. I too like being something different. Not male. Not female. Not really both. But something other. And that other-ness attracts attention – both positive and negative. And I like attention! (Big surprise there. LOL.)

Of course, not all of you crave attention like I do. And not all of you like being seen as something “other.” You want to be seen as a woman… a feminine being… and I totally respect that. I wish you well on your journey and admire the courage it will take each step of the way as you attempt to accomplish that.

But for all of you for whom this is just a hobby. For all of you who do this “just for fun,” I say… don’t worry about passing! Worry about enjoying yourself. Worry about feeling comfortable in your own skin. Worry about perfecting your look, be it classy or brassy, sexy or sophisticated, glamorous or girl-next-door.

But passing? That’s for footballs. Looking good, having fun, and turning heads… now that’s tgirl territory!


Take care out there!

Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy!

xoxo,

CiCi