Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Now here’s something I didn’t see coming. All this time I’ve been working on myself. Trying to be more femme. Trying to perfect my makeup. Trying out heels for men. Trying out crossdressing lingerie. It’s not easy. It takes lots of concentration and focus. Is it any wonder that we tv/cd girls have gotten a reputation for being self-absorbed? Look at all we have to concentrate on just to walk out our front doors! (It’s a wonder that we’re not more self-absorbed than we already are.)

None of this comes that naturally to us. And yet, for me at least, a lot of it does come naturally, once I let my guard down and allow myself to be free of my traditional male patterns of behavior. It’s all part of the process, I think. To change our appearance. To change our physical movements. And, most importantly, to change the way we think. To think more like a woman. Or at least to think more from a woman’s point of view.

But what about when it comes to sex and romance? Now, a lot of you probably aren’t looking for sex or romance when you dress. Perhaps you’re already in a committed relationship. Or perhaps you don’t have a strong urge to engage in intimate relationships right now. But for those of you who do have the urge, you’ll find that there are a lot of options out there! And it can get pretty intense.

When I started dressing, I didn’t give much thought to romance. I liked women (genetic women), and I never expected that to change. I was perfectly happy being a straight male. But a funny thing happened on my way to a lifetime of heterosexuality. My straight road curved.

It wasn’t long after I started hanging out with other cd/tv girls that I began to feel myself attracted to them. This wasn’t something I planned or even expected. This wasn’t something that people tried to talk me into. But there it was. Suddenly. An attraction to other T’s. It’s pretty simple to understand I think. You are so attracted to the feminine image that you want to emulate it. You begin paying attention to all kinds of details you missed before. Makeup and hair styles. Clothing styles. Accessories. Gestures. You find yourself not just looking at girls, but studying them. You study them on the TV, in movies, and in magazines. You reach the point where you’re obsessed with feminine style. And then you walk into a bar filled with a whole lot of tgirls and crossdressers who feel exactly the same way. You share similar passions. For heels. For corsets. For hosiery for men! So it’s not that much of a leap to think you might develop a passion for one another.

For lack of a better term, I “hooked up” with a few tgirls and found I really liked it. I’m not going to go into a lot of details here. (It’s not that kind of blog! LOL!) But I had fun and I hope my partners did too. Of course, like your first attempts at romance in your teen years, your first attempts at romance in tgirl world will probably be fraught with nervousness, awkwardness, and a fair amount of stumbling around in the dark. So what? You enjoyed (and survived) all that as a teen. Chances are you’ll enjoy (and survive) all of that awkwardness now!

It was a big step for me… to explore romance from the perspective of my CiCi persona. But my attraction to men kind of blindsided me. I really didn’t see myself ever going that way. I’d never been attracted to men in my male life. Although, I have to admit that in my fantasies, I’d been with both men and women, and everything in between. (I have a pretty healthy fantasy life.) But that was just fantasy. I never thought I’d want to be with a man in real life. Heck, most of my cd momentum had me moving further and further away from all things masculine. But then it happened.

I may have discussed this before. Sorry if I’m being redundant. But it was so simple. After a club shut down one night, a nice man walked me to my car. We held hands. He wasn’t pushy. He seemed almost protective. We chatted briefly when we got to my car. And then we kissed good night. Nothing dramatic. No fireworks. No falling stars. But all very nice. And, much to my surprise, very erotic to me.

It was just a few moments in time. But it changed completely the way I thought about men. More importantly, it changed the way I thought about myself. Here I was, trying to be so girlie in so many ways. And I’d overlooked the one thing, above all else, that can make a person feel girlie: a man!

That’s what started me on this new path. And there’s no going back now. I guess this means I’m officially gay. Or bi. Or whatever. (I’m kinda having too much fun to care.) Now, I don’t think I can convince anyone else to like men. To change their sexual orientation. I don’t think I have the power to convert anyone. But I can tell my story. And maybe it will have an effect on someone.

You see. I know a lot of tgirls online who start their profile with the words, “No Men.” And then I hear them talk about how they can’t meet someone who will accept them. They talk about how lonely they are. And I want to say to them, “Maybe it’s time to broaden your horizons.” You know? Maybe you’ve never been attracted to men. But maybe your social programming has gotten the better of you. Maybe the extent of your social programming was so complete, that you never gave the thought of sex or romance with a man any real consideration.

Now don’t get me wrong! It’s not like men don’t come with baggage of their own. I’m sure you’ve already heard the stories. They’re only interested in one thing. They cancel at the last minute. They pull “no shows.” And often when they do show up, they don’t want to be seen in public with you. Plus, a lot of them are tense because they’re cheating on their wives or girlfriends. (Of course, all of this is nothing new to our gg sisters. Gender girls have known about all this for centuries.)

Still, that’s my advice to you. If you’re lonely. Or unsatisfied. Or just plain bored. Why not open yourself to the possibility of something new. (Or someone new?) If you honestly consider it, and it still doesn’t work for you – well, then, at least you gave it a try. But new experiences, new possibilities, new ways of seeing yourself in a more feminine role? That’s what this whole tgirl thing is all about, isn’t it?

Take care out there!
Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy!


miss sudha said...

I love being feminine.

jamieann said...

I enjoyed this post. CiCi exaggerates when she says that if we’re lonely, unsatisfied, or just plain bored, we could have sex with men to see ourselves in a more feminine role, adding “That’s what this whole t-girl thing is all about, isn’t it?” Actually, there’s more. Still, an interesting post!

greenhawk46 said...

I'd love to be with you Cici-enjoy your posts, too xxx Jim

CiCi said...

Thanks for the comments, Miss Sudha, JamieAnn, and Jim!

JamieAnn, sorry if i gave you the wrong impression. what i was trying to say is that "feeling girlie" is what this whole t-girl thing is about. obviously there are many ways to achieve that feeling. and for me, being with men is one of the best ways!

Anonymous said...

CiCi,You are right.The farther we go ,The farther we go.30years of cd and I cannot stop.Thank you. Love you gurl XOXO DEANA .

Rogue Economist said...

Dear Cici --
This post is one of the most erotic things I have read in a long time. It resonated with me profoundly. I am outwardly masculine, but there is a deep and powerful feminine energy pulsating below the surface. I am trying to get into better physical shape so that I can choose to look more feminine when I wish to, and your blog inspires me!

Anonymous said...

I think CiCi is sooo right on the money. I couln't agree with her more!

cici said...

Thanks for the compliment, Anonymous! i appreciate it.

Also, many thanks to you, Deana... 30 years! you go girl! i hope it's been nothing but fun!

Dave, i'm glad i can provide a little inspiration. so many girls inspired me, i'm very happy to "pay it forward." and believe me, we all know about the "feminine energy pulsating below the surface"!

VICKIE said...

CiCi couldn't have said it better. when i get dressed up I find i feel & want what ever woman wants. Sex with another t girl gives me that satisfaction,

Christine said...

I know exactly how you feel. I had no interest in men but the more I dressed and felt feminine i caught myself being more and more attracted to them. I now consider myself Bi starting to lean more toward men than women though.

Miss Cindy Elmwood said...

This post really hit home for me. Before I started dressing a few years ago I considered myself a basically straight guy. Then when dressing and getting to know other tgirls I became attracted to them pretty quickly, which I guess did not surprise me. But a little later I found myself attracted to men as well, for me it was a slow dance with a man that was my first "wow". That did surprise me, the idea that my sexual orientation could change that profoundly, but it did.

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