Instead, I did the CD thing. And you know what? It kinda works. The right wig. The right shoes. The right outfit. Some heavy makeup. And voila! The forty-something typical American male suddenly looks a lot like a much younger woman. It’s really the perfect anecdote to the aging process. Hair receding? Going gray? Cover it with a wig. Wrinkles getting more defined? Slap on a little extra make-up. Tired of stodgy old man clothes? Lace yourself into a corset!
It’s a wonder cure! And here’s another good thing. I’m taking better care of myself. Throughout my thirties, when I realized I wasn’t a young man any more, I tried to get in shape. I joined (and quit) several gyms. I tried (and failed) at several diets. Nothing worked. I just wasn’t motivated. Then CiCi came along. And CiCi provided the motivation I always needed to stay slim, toned, flexible
In my circles, fitness just wasn’t that important. Among office workers and other rather sedentary business professionals, health just wasn’t a major concern. At work, we joked about our slowing metabolisms and our growing midsections. We laughed about them, but we didn’t do anything about them. Fortunately, CiCi changed all that for me. I’m not going to go so far as to say she’s given me a reason to live. But she’s certainly given me several reasons to live well! People at work tease me because I’m the thinnest guy in the office and I’m always dieting. They wonder why I’m so careful about my weight, then they go off to another unhealthy lunch or fast food snack Then they wonder why they can’t seem to lose any weight.
I can’t tell them that I stay slim in order to look good in skintight latex. Although, I often wonder what they’d say if I did. The line that keeps coming back to me is from Kevin Spacey in “American Beauty” – a true classic in the midlife crisis genre. He said, “I want to look good naked” – and for me that just about says it all.
I’ve also started going out again. I used to go out in my 20’s. Not so much in my 30’s. And the club scene was a distant memory by the time I reached my 40’s. But now I try to go out about once a month. I’ve even done some CiCi-inspired travelling to meet some of my online friends in person. (And I hope to do a lot more of that in the future.) Am I too old for this? Perhaps. But it sure makes me feel young again.
I know what you’re thinking. Come on, CiCi, is any of this any less superficial than the sports car, the mistress, or the Viagra? I mean, midlife crisis or not, is it ever appropriate for a 40-something guy to be motivated by trying to look and act like a 20-something?
I’ve thought a lot about this and here’s my answer. I don’t care. Because what’s appropriate for me might not be appropriate for someone else. And vice versa. But this is my life. And for once, I’m trying to do it my way. According to society, I’ve already done all the things I was supposed to do. (I may not have done them well, but I did them.) And I bet you have too! Graduated high school or college and joined the job market? Check. Progressed in a trade or profession and (hopefully) earned a few promotions and raises along the way? Check. Met a great girl and married her? Check. (Some of you might have done that one several times by now.) Raised a family with the great girl and watched your children grow up and maybe even leave the nest? Check.
So now this is our time. And suddenly, it doesn’t seem like a crisis. It seems like an opportunity. It seems like a start instead of a finish. A clean start. A catharsis. I could have taken up golf or model ship building. I could have traveled the world in a hot air balloon. But I chose, instead, to work on my femininity and my female persona, and to see where that leads me.
Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s ridiculous. Acting this way. I know it’s crazy. Going out dressed like a whore. When you get down to it, the whole thing reeks of some kind of perverse desperation. And I know that better than anyone. Yet, some how, I don’t mind. For some reason, when it comes to CiCi, I’m comfortable with a little bit of denial.
Of course, that’s really no surprise. Because, as cross dressers who have spent their first forty years as men 24/7, denial is something we’ve had plenty of practice at!
Take care out there!
Be smart. Be safe. Be sexy!