Friday, September 11, 2009

Crossdresser.com, The Crossdressing Superstore Presents: Midlife Catharsis~By CiCi Kitten!

So how’s you midlife crisis going? Mine sucks. The reminiscing. The regrets. The re-thinking. I was really having trouble dealing with it. I could have gone the traditional route. I could have bought a hot new sports car. But I couldn’t afford one. I could have taken a hot young mistress. But I couldn’t afford one of those either. I understand they’re more expensive than Porsches!

Instead, I did the CD thing. And you know what? It kinda works. The right wig. The right shoes. The right outfit. Some heavy makeup. And voila! The forty-something typical American male suddenly looks a lot like a much younger woman. It’s really the perfect anecdote to the aging process. Hair receding? Going gray? Cover it with a wig. Wrinkles getting more defined? Slap on a little extra make-up. Tired of stodgy old man clothes? Lace yourself into a corset!

It’s a wonder cure! And here’s another good thing. I’m taking better care of myself. Throughout my thirties, when I realized I wasn’t a young man any more, I tried to get in shape. I joined (and quit) several gyms. I tried (and failed) at several diets. Nothing worked. I just wasn’t motivated. Then CiCi came along. And CiCi provided the motivation I always needed to stay slim, toned, flexible , and alive!

In my circles, fitness just wasn’t that important. Among office workers and other rather sedentary business professionals, health just wasn’t a major concern. At work, we joked about our slowing metabolisms and our growing midsections. We laughed about them, but we didn’t do anything about them. Fortunately, CiCi changed all that for me. I’m not going to go so far as to say she’s given me a reason to live. But she’s certainly given me several reasons to live well! People at work tease me because I’m the thinnest guy in the office and I’m always dieting. They wonder why I’m so careful about my weight, then they go off to another unhealthy lunch or fast food snack Then they wonder why they can’t seem to lose any weight.

I can’t tell them that I stay slim in order to look good in skintight latex. Although, I often wonder what they’d say if I did. The line that keeps coming back to me is from Kevin Spacey in “American Beauty” – a true classic in the midlife crisis genre. He said, “I want to look good naked” – and for me that just about says it all.

I’ve also started going out again. I used to go out in my 20’s. Not so much in my 30’s. And the club scene was a distant memory by the time I reached my 40’s. But now I try to go out about once a month. I’ve even done some CiCi-inspired travelling to meet some of my online friends in person. (And I hope to do a lot more of that in the future.) Am I too old for this? Perhaps. But it sure makes me feel young again.

I know what you’re thinking. Come on, CiCi, is any of this any less superficial than the sports car, the mistress, or the Viagra? I mean, midlife crisis or not, is it ever appropriate for a 40-something guy to be motivated by trying to look and act like a 20-something?

I’ve thought a lot about this and here’s my answer. I don’t care. Because what’s appropriate for me might not be appropriate for someone else. And vice versa. But this is my life. And for once, I’m trying to do it my way. According to society, I’ve already done all the things I was supposed to do. (I may not have done them well, but I did them.) And I bet you have too! Graduated high school or college and joined the job market? Check. Progressed in a trade or profession and (hopefully) earned a few promotions and raises along the way? Check. Met a great girl and married her? Check. (Some of you might have done that one several times by now.) Raised a family with the great girl and watched your children grow up and maybe even leave the nest? Check.

So now this is our time. And suddenly, it doesn’t seem like a crisis. It seems like an opportunity. It seems like a start instead of a finish. A clean start. A catharsis. I could have taken up golf or model ship building. I could have traveled the world in a hot air balloon. But I chose, instead, to work on my femininity and my female persona, and to see where that leads me.

Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s ridiculous. Acting this way. I know it’s crazy. Going out dressed like a whore. When you get down to it, the whole thing reeks of some kind of perverse desperation. And I know that better than anyone. Yet, some how, I don’t mind. For some reason, when it comes to CiCi, I’m comfortable with a little bit of denial.

Of course, that’s really no surprise. Because, as cross dressers who have spent their first forty years as men 24/7, denial is something we’ve had plenty of practice at!

Take care out there!
Be smart. Be safe. Be sexy!
xoxo,
CiCi

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

CiCi I am so proud of you and so happy I found your post! I can relate to so many things you said. I'm sure you get this all the time but you help me with my own struggle in the closet. It's about being comfortable and confident about who we are. And that evolves. I would love to communicate further or please point me in a direction so I can communicate with other dressers. I wish you all the best and just as you say," Be smart, safe and sexy!

Riki

Sekeena K said...

CiCi,

Thank you so much for yet another inspirational and entertaining post.

Yes, I was able to put my own "check" beside every milestone you mentioned, and after working hard and doing all the right things, I'm now free to take this as far as I choose.

Please keep telling it like it is, CiCi. You inspire both those who do, and those who wish they could.

*hugs*

Seleena

Anonymous said...

It is what it is! CD is a free expression that gives us a chance to try something new!

Wendi said...

Hi Cici,

We met in Las Vegas in May. I just love what you wrote, as well as your article about "coming out." I went through all the same stuff, and finally decided that I was done being anything other than who I really am. I now live openly and honestly as a transgender woman, and couldn't feel better about it. Of course, I am trying to make up for a lot of lost time, but thankfully, my knees and my liver seem to be holding up just fine. :-)

Thanks for sharing a great message with our community. Hope to see you again next May.

Wendi

Anonymous said...

Hi CiCi~ Claire here and I must say that is a great blog!!! Has got to be my favorite...I felt a strong connection in just reading it!! Keep up the great work and smile!! Luvs~Claire

CiCi said...

Thanks to all of you for your sweet comments! This, to me, is the best part of writing this blog -- to get reactions from other girls (pos or neg) and to be a part of the mutual support network.

there are so many shared experiences in t-world. most of them wonderful and rewarding (and some of them not so rewarding). but we're all in this together. and i truly, sincerely, feel that bond!

xoxo,
CiCi

NOTES:
Riki, you (or anyone) can contact me any time at CiCiFetishDoll@yahoo.com.
Claire, my supercool blogmate, thanx for the comment, doll. i luv reading your thoughts too!
Wendi, i definitely hope to be back in Vegas again this coming spring. See you then!
And Seleena, i might just see you even sooner, babydoll!

tristan said...

this blog is so fun to read. So much really deep insight into my journey and mycoming to terms with identifying as my true self

greenhawk46 said...

Cici-

I love the way you look, you're a total turn-on
xxxx
Jim, tg admirer, Ohio

CiCi said...

tristan,
yes. it's amazing how similar the journey is for many of us!

and jim,
thanks, babe. you're very sweet!

xoxo,
CiCi

Stacey said...

CiCi,
I have to agree 100% with most of what you said in regards of taking better care of myself. Since I've become comfortable (internally) with dressing, I've started to loose weight, take skin care products, eat healthier, run, weight train.. my life just feels better, and just recently i went out for the first time.. it is good to know that I am not alone on this progress.
Stacey

CiCi said...

Stacey,
Congrats on going out for the first time! it's an amazing step in an amazing process. i think you'll find that while we all go through similar steps and milestones, everyone's journey is very individual. and i wish you good luck and great fun on yours!
xoxo,
CiCi

lee said...

So nice to find someone who thinks as I do.I am getting a very late start.

thanks,keep it up!
Lee

CiCi said...

Lee,
It's never too late, babydoll. You've got a lot of fun ahead of you!
xoxo,
CiCi

Anonymous said...

CiCi,

I wanted to let you know that we get many feedback calls here, calls thanking you for your blogs, your thoughts and your adventures..You are an inspiration to many people who come together at crossdresser.com, and this GG could learn a thing or two from you!

~Willow

Anonymous said...

CiCi,

You are amazing! I'm just catching up on some older posts and love this one!

I did all the same things- college, check, got married, check, the career, check.

Now I have an "opportunity" to be me, explore, etc.

Only go out every 4-6 weeks, but it's great. And you are so right, I look like a whore and love it!!!!!

I diet to look good naked, and good it super tight slut wear. It feels so right girl!

Thanks for helping me feel I'm not the only one.

Love you CiCi!

Part Time Danielle

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