Monday, December 10, 2007

Hey T-Girl! What's Your "T" Stand For?

Here's a little insider information. In my boy life, I'm a writer. I've actually sold a few screenplays. And now, as I've started going out more and expressing my T-self a little more openly, I've decided to write a T-themed screenplay. I won't go into any details here, but there is one scene that I think is kind of cute. So I thought I woud share it with you.

Now, for those of you who don't know much about Hollywood, don't go holding your breath waiting for this film to come to a theater near you. I have to finish writing it. I have to try to sell it. Someone with money has to like it. And someone with even more money has to decide to produce it. Let's face it, straight-themed scripts are a long shot at best. So the chances of a T-themed script getting made are pretty slim. (Ladies, we should all be that slim.) But I'm going to give it my best shot. I just keep thinking that if it ever does get made, the premiere party and the red carpet walk will be way beyond fab!

Any way, right at the beginning of the script one cute little T-Kitten says to another, "Hey T-Girl, what's your "T" stand for?" It's played off as a joke in the script. But I think it's an interesting question. It makes the girl in the script stop and think, and it just might make you stop and think as well. I mean, think about it, what does your "T" stand for?

Are you still shy about your dressing ("Timid") or are you bold and confident ("Tantalizing")? Is your look Tacky or Trashy or Tasteful? Are you feeling Terrific? Tremendous? Are you a Tease? A Tart? A little Ticklish. A little Tipsy? And don't sell yourself short if you identify best with words like "Truthful" or "Trustworthy." There's way too little of that out there in girlworld.

It's a silly question, but it really gets to the heart of the issue for most of us. I mean, why in the world are we doing this? I remember how it was when I first started. There was a lot of sneaking around. There was a lot of frustration with the process. (That really never goes away. I'm still lousy at putting on fake eyelashes.) There was the fear and dread of being outed or caught. So there were secrets to keep. There were clothes that didn't fit right. Make-up that looked down right awful. And nights on the town where frankly I wished I'd just stayed home and watched a football game! (Yes. The boy in me is still strong.)

But here I am. Still dressing up. Still going out. And still wondering where the heck this all is supposed to lead. To be honest, I'm still not even sure where I want it to lead.

The big T-word for me is "Transcendent." That what we've all shooting for. That's where we all want to be. Content. Happy. At peace with our girlish side. But so far, to me, all that I've transcended is the door to my closet… and the doors to a few night clubs in L.A. and Las Vegas. By my standards, I feel like I still have a long way to go. So I guess my "T" stands for "Tomorrow." I've thought about my T-life a lot. I've fantasized quite a bit. And I've taken some steps towards making those fantasies a reality. So I'm hopeful.

I keep looking forward to tomorrow and to whatever progress tomorrow might hold for me. A new romance? A fun night out? A style breakthrough? A new makeup tip? Mindbending sex? Or maybe just a hot new pair of shoes. I'd settle for any of these. So for me, it's all about tomorrow.

Although, now that I think about it, "today" is a pretty good T-word too.

As for the girl in the script? In the end, after several adventures, she thinks about the friends she's made, the bonds they've formed, and the happy feeling of contentment she's experienced by expressing her T-side. And she's finally able to answer the question. She looks around at the friends who have helped her every step of the way, and she says that she now knows what her "T" stands for: "Thankful."

Now that to me is transcendent. I wish I could say that that was my word too. But I'm just not there yet. Who knows though. Maybe we'll all get there some day.

Maybe tomorrow...

Take care out there.
Be safe. Be smart. Be sexy.


TuMuch said...

What a great blog. CiCi hits the nail on the head for all of us. Her writing style is wonderful and her seemingly insightfullness is amazing. Read her other blogs. Just as honest and helpful as this one.

ceecee said...

As an admirer I have to say very informative, great writing and great insight into the difficulty in the transformation process.

shelli said...

cici, your heartfelt universalist approach of goodness (is certainly a most potent combination with your dress)speaks to many different people. Your encouragement is impetus for expression. thanks

Jay said...

What an afternoon. Snow and rain falling in the Pacific Northwest, and CiCi's encouragement reeling in my mind, I have added a new entry on my own blog and would very much like visits and comments.

Jennifer said...

CiCi, I've read all four of your blogs, several times now, and they really have been an encouragement to me. It's still a frustrating journey, but it's more bearable when you know that your journey is not so much different than everyone else's. Thank you.

Jay said...

I saw your comment Jennifer and wondered, if this is as new to you as it is to me would you care to view my blog and perhaps we could share our journeys. Julie

Anonymous said...

I was wondering something...what kind of bellybutton do you have?? ( innie or outie )

Flora said...

im also new to this,well somewhat,and Cici advices where the hugest moral boost ive ever read,it helped me alot,and consernig you Julie,could you tell me how to reach you blog?im new to this also and to find more ppl to share stories and advice would be awesome


Jay said...

Flora I got a note that you had posted a comment and I see that you may like to communicate. I'd be pleased as punch to think I had made an impact on your transformation and have opened a dialogue with Jennifer also. I'd be pleased to chat if you had a mind to. I have made several comments here on CiCi's blog and in many cases left a link to my blog as well. Here it is again for you.


Anonymous said...

i got your email and would love to open a dialog and/or chat,but sadly dont know how,i left some comments on your blogs,if you can help id be glad to have a word with


moderator said...

Hi Flora,

If you would like to write some articles about your feelings and experiences, write to us at and Put myfemplace in the subject line, and tell us what you would like to write about

Moderator at Suddenly Fem

Anonymous said...

Today is a good t word- maybe 'T'omorrow is an even better one said...

I cant believe how wonderful you look and your page is so great,,I will be trying to make new fem self look as god as you...WOW I am so anxious to look as good as you...I only hope I can do it right!! said...

Tara looks so pretty holding that kitten, tell her she is now my background desktop,,what a smile..that's exactly how I feel now that I've come to my fem Place...Thank you so much said...

Hi cici, I,ve learned so much from your site an links, but, I am a 14 tall in dress-will I use this same chart to buy jeans? I dont want to go out all the time in a skirt..I am new, and want to do it 24/7.I don't have abig sister...hug's and kittens-terrilee

CiCi said...

i tried to email you but the email bounced back to me. but here's my reply to your comments...

Regarding sizes and styles, i have a great tip. Go to a thrift store!! Don't worry about sizes or styles or colors, just buy a bunch of stuff.. DIRT CHEAP. All different styles and sizes. It will only cost you $10-20 at the most.

Then go home and try them all on. It's a very private, cheap way to see what sizes fit best and what styles work for you! For instance, grab a bunch of thrift store jeans (about $3 each), take them home and try them on. keep the ones that fit, toss the ones that don't. and now you're ready to spend real money on new clothes that you'll look fab in!!

Let me know how it goes!

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